Things That Instagram Need To Change

Delayed Deletion

So, there you are, all set to post. You've got your killer shot, you've filtered the hell out of it, you've chosen fifteen excellent and highly pertinent tags and finally, then you can hit share. But. Oh. Bollocking. Hell. You hate the picture. It looks wrong. Too dark. Not cool enough. And you want it gone. Like, now. Does Instagram allow you to end your misery promptly and efficiently? Does it balls. No. You've deleted, but Someone Up There In Silcone Valley wants to prolong your agony. They like you to suffer the embarrassment of thousands of people seeing an in-limbo-not-likeable image just sitting there, mockingly, for what seems like hours. How difficult would it be for them to make deletion instant? Not very, I'd wager.

Porn

It is everywhere on IG. Absolutely fucking everywhere. Under every tag, even the most seemingly innocuous. And I do not want to see it. At all. Ever. Please someone take it away FFS. I can't imagine what it's doing to children's little brains. (Hashtag: Won'tSomebodyThinkOfTheChildren). And does it ever piss me off when I go on, say, the Adidas Originals tag and I see my sneakers next to a pair of Russian boobs. I imagine there's some sort of hit squad at IG HQ deleting porn as fast as it appears, but, basically, they're just not doing it quick enough. #notsquadgoals

Blurred Lines

I've mentioned this before, and to a few gal-pals on IG as well, but it seriously grinds my gears. Essentially, you can have a perfectly sharp image that you've posted, only to then have it become catastrophically blurred. Sometimes after two minutes, sometimes after two hours, but eventually all images on Instagram seem to become hazy and rubbish. And I've got 16 million pixies in my camera! Why does this need to happen? I reckon it doesn't.

Hacked Off

Hacking seems to be happening increasingly on IG, particularly to 'big' accounts. Your usually once serene, minimalist fashion blogger all of a sudden starts randomly holding iPhone giveaway competitions, and often loads of followers seem to fall for it. Or they have a brand new whizz-bang emoji keyboard they want you to download. It must be awful for the girls trying to wrestle their accounts back from the hackers clutches. If that happened to me I wouldn't have a clue where to start. Again, please pretty please get on it IG.

What irritates you about Instagram company policy? Lemmie know x 

PS Check out my MNZ Robertas!! Not really (obvs), they're just the Mango dupes, but aren't they sick? I must stop buying granny shoes (but I can't). PPS Thank-you to Look magazine who put my granny-shoed feet on Page 24 of last week's issue. Seeing them there was a very weird experience fo' shure.

Jeans- Topshop//Jumper- Zara//Shoes- Mango

Instagram Irritations

As usual, pretty much everything on Instagram is annoying the beeejeeezus out of me, so I thought I'd compile a lovely list of my grievances to really give vent to my fury and hopefully cleanse my rather irritated soul.

Change Is A Good Thing

Er, no it freaking isn't. Who ever said change is good needs a cold shower and a head wobble. I'm referring (of course?) to IG's new and "improved" direct messaging. I used to love DMing. I'd be pinging pictures and pithy asides (ahem) back and forth all day to my main chicas, happily slagging off everyone in the whole wide gramo'sphere. But my preferred method of bitching has been cruelly taken from me. Basically, I have an iPhone 4S and an iPad Mini 2- so far- so first world. Neither allow me now to see my DMs for various techie reasons that I won't bore you with. So, I got in the queue at Apple where a bloke in a beanie told me I needed to back up, sync, load, reboot, go to Rymans, install the Apple app on my phone for an appointment (I made him try to do it- epic fail) and generally become the kind of person who doesn't need to get in the queue at the Apple shop. If I understood the first thing about technology I wouldn't be here, in this bastard queue, when I could be in Zara. Since QueueGate, I now can't use IG at all on my phone any more, it's hit storage and I'm not due an upgrade until next May. Fucking May. Pissed off? Just a teeny weeny bit.

Now You're Just Somebody That I Used To Know

With increasing frequency I'm getting girls who I once counted as 'buddies', not liking my pictures and then unfollowing me. Of course, being Mrs Loyal (first name Naive) it never occurs to me that these things are gonna happen. So I cheerfully carry on liking their pics and throwing out gushing compliments like Muggy McMugsville, when they've discarded my sorry ass some time back. Great.

Happy Fucking Birthday

Get on this: I'd been following and liking the pics of a very cool girl for some time when she finally noticed me. (Who, me? Fucking hell, this whole thing is like sitting on the 'Singles Bench' in Grease waiting for some boy to take pity on you and ask for a dance). Yes! Woo! She liked my pic! Emboldened by the positivity she was showering upon me I decided to wish her happy birthday. I thought nothing more of it until she posted her next picture. For some reason I decided to look back at her birthday snap only to find she'd said thank you to every other freaking arsehole person who sent her birthday wishes....except me. And I mean everyone. 

The Hulk

Some people on IG are just annoying aren't they? You can't put your finger on quite why, but they are. For a while I'd been getting what I consider to be 'passive aggressive' comments off one particular girl. I'd held my keyboard thus far, figuring I didn't really wanna get into a big aul' ding-dong on there unless absolutely necessary. But when she had another dig recently I couldn't let it pass. I thought about what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it (only fools rush in). Anddddd......she apologized and I think felt suitably embarrassed. (I played the illness card. Not proud. But I am ill and I can't fucking see very well, so there you go). I could've torn strips off her, but I've a feeling I might need to save that one for another day. (Dot, dot, dot) *Not in the Mamma Mia sense
Rumi Has It
Do you follow Rumi Neely? You probably do as she has way over half a million "Insta Disciples". Increasingly she seems to enjoy courting controversy, or at very least, sparking debates about her weight. 'Stop thin shaming', 'She may be happy with her figure', 'Please eat something', and so it goes on, endlessly. I know I know, I can unfollow if I don't wanna see it. But actually, I do wanna see her weird, contorted, pseudo-sexual poses, and I do definitely wanna see The Fighting Followers trying to make sense of it all. I guess I'm doing the Instagram version of driving slowly past a car crash. But then again, that is basically what  IG is about, so I'm not losing sleep. 

What's been bugging you recently on IG? Lemmie know xx
PS Wow- look at my camera roll shot- so full of beautiful, fleeting, meaningful moments forever captured. On no, it's just full of self-obsessed shit for Instagram

Sunnies- Céline//Notebook- Bloggers Planner//Cup- Design Letters