Instagram Irritations

As usual, pretty much everything on Instagram is annoying the beeejeeezus out of me, so I thought I'd compile a lovely list of my grievances to really give vent to my fury and hopefully cleanse my rather irritated soul.

Change Is A Good Thing

Er, no it freaking isn't. Who ever said change is good needs a cold shower and a head wobble. I'm referring (of course?) to IG's new and "improved" direct messaging. I used to love DMing. I'd be pinging pictures and pithy asides (ahem) back and forth all day to my main chicas, happily slagging off everyone in the whole wide gramo'sphere. But my preferred method of bitching has been cruelly taken from me. Basically, I have an iPhone 4S and an iPad Mini 2- so far- so first world. Neither allow me now to see my DMs for various techie reasons that I won't bore you with. So, I got in the queue at Apple where a bloke in a beanie told me I needed to back up, sync, load, reboot, go to Rymans, install the Apple app on my phone for an appointment (I made him try to do it- epic fail) and generally become the kind of person who doesn't need to get in the queue at the Apple shop. If I understood the first thing about technology I wouldn't be here, in this bastard queue, when I could be in Zara. Since QueueGate, I now can't use IG at all on my phone any more, it's hit storage and I'm not due an upgrade until next May. Fucking May. Pissed off? Just a teeny weeny bit.

Now You're Just Somebody That I Used To Know

With increasing frequency I'm getting girls who I once counted as 'buddies', not liking my pictures and then unfollowing me. Of course, being Mrs Loyal (first name Naive) it never occurs to me that these things are gonna happen. So I cheerfully carry on liking their pics and throwing out gushing compliments like Muggy McMugsville, when they've discarded my sorry ass some time back. Great.

Happy Fucking Birthday

Get on this: I'd been following and liking the pics of a very cool girl for some time when she finally noticed me. (Who, me? Fucking hell, this whole thing is like sitting on the 'Singles Bench' in Grease waiting for some boy to take pity on you and ask for a dance). Yes! Woo! She liked my pic! Emboldened by the positivity she was showering upon me I decided to wish her happy birthday. I thought nothing more of it until she posted her next picture. For some reason I decided to look back at her birthday snap only to find she'd said thank you to every other freaking arsehole person who sent her birthday wishes....except me. And I mean everyone. 

The Hulk

Some people on IG are just annoying aren't they? You can't put your finger on quite why, but they are. For a while I'd been getting what I consider to be 'passive aggressive' comments off one particular girl. I'd held my keyboard thus far, figuring I didn't really wanna get into a big aul' ding-dong on there unless absolutely necessary. But when she had another dig recently I couldn't let it pass. I thought about what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it (only fools rush in). Anddddd......she apologized and I think felt suitably embarrassed. (I played the illness card. Not proud. But I am ill and I can't fucking see very well, so there you go). I could've torn strips off her, but I've a feeling I might need to save that one for another day. (Dot, dot, dot) *Not in the Mamma Mia sense
Rumi Has It
Do you follow Rumi Neely? You probably do as she has way over half a million "Insta Disciples". Increasingly she seems to enjoy courting controversy, or at very least, sparking debates about her weight. 'Stop thin shaming', 'She may be happy with her figure', 'Please eat something', and so it goes on, endlessly. I know I know, I can unfollow if I don't wanna see it. But actually, I do wanna see her weird, contorted, pseudo-sexual poses, and I do definitely wanna see The Fighting Followers trying to make sense of it all. I guess I'm doing the Instagram version of driving slowly past a car crash. But then again, that is basically what  IG is about, so I'm not losing sleep. 

What's been bugging you recently on IG? Lemmie know xx
PS Wow- look at my camera roll shot- so full of beautiful, fleeting, meaningful moments forever captured. On no, it's just full of self-obsessed shit for Instagram

Sunnies- Céline//Notebook- Bloggers Planner//Cup- Design Letters

Is Using Photoshop Immoral?

To Photoshop or not to Photoshop, that is the question. Personally, I love grappling with a moral dilemma and there's none more pertinent to bloggers than the fine art of digital retouching; so let's get into it.

Cards On The Table

Straight off the bat, I should fess up here and admit that I use both P-Shop and Facetune. (Actually, I use Gimp on my laptop- which in case you don't know- is like a freebie version of The Shop for tightwads). I started using Gimp when I asked a good friend if he knew how to correct a holiday snap of mine. (Vain much? You betcha). I loved the pic, but my flyaway Brillo-Pad hair and smudged mazzy? Not so much. He told me to download Gimp and gave me very specific instructions on what to do. (He knows I'm a complete div and would only have ended up asking him to help me anyway had he not put it in Gimp-For-Dummies terminology). I was absolutely fascinated by it and immediately set to work 'correcting' all sorts of shit- including a lovely snap of my mummy and me that I completely ruined by looking like Michael Jackson. 

A Little Goes A Long Way

So far, so what? All I'd done was rescue photos that I made look rubbish by 'merely' enhancing them into a printable, saveable and frameable state-of-being. Did that make me a moral pauper? Not if you go by the great Susan Sontag's theory that all photos are simulacrums and inherently 'fake'. Then I started blogging, and things started to get a bit more hazy.

Blurred Lines

I've read about girls who've used Photoshop, then given it all up and put out a confessional 'cleansing' blog post to heal the wounds. I've read about girls who use P-Shop on the regz and don't worry a jot about it. And I've also read about girls who stand in judgement of those that use it and think we are akin to Satan crossed with Lindsey 'Wonky Wall' Lohan. I actually think everyone has a valid point of view. I continue to use it,  and here's for why. The most valuable things that Gimp enables me to do are 1) crop a picture without losing pixels and 2) lighten a photo dramatically in a very precise way. For a long while I was cropping my pictures in Windows Photo Reader (srsly) and Holy Grainyballs did it show. I'll also go so far as to say that for a complete dunce like me it's actually enjoyable learning shit on Gimp, and it feels like it's the one thing under the general category of 'Computer Stuff' where I've actually developed any skillz whatsoever. I still don't know how to use it properly and everytime I Google how to do something my brain hurts immediately and I have to stop. But I look forward to stumbling upon new and interesting ways to make my piccies better. (I've included a Before And After below so you can see my corrections. Not vastly different at first glance it's true, but just that bit cleaner, and generally more pleasing to my eye- and hopefully yours).

Face Off

Finally, let's tackle Instagram. Facetune is my go-to app for all my gramming (including fliters). For my flatlays I clean-up any stray bits of dirt or hairs that magically always seem to find their way onto my white card (as per below) and yes, I'm not above removing a spot or a wrinkle. You may think that's wrong. Or misleading. Or as my friend Greg from college once said "you're only cheating yourself". (He was actually referring to the fact that my entire class cheated on their Art History mock A-Level, but the point remains). For me- someone with acne and acne scarring- it's oddly theraputic to magically erase the craters on my face, and is probably something that only those with skin problems can fully understand. (I'm far from trying to 'perfect' myself though and if you look back at any of my shoots on here you'll see I always end up looking stupendously average in every way). I'm just trying not to let the nasty shit detract from an outfit or an image. Sometimes of course, that 'nasty shit' can make a picture (particularly when a good photographer is behind the lens- think- Bruce Webber's obsession with broken noses for example); but for the purposes of blogging I feel no shame in tidying things up. What do you think about retouching? Do you indulge? Do you find me utterly Satanic? Lemmie know xx

Sneaks- Adidas//Cup- Design Letters//Flower- Sia

En Brogue

I've always wanted a pair of black patent brogues, so when my Fairy Shoemother (AKA Olivia) kindly sent me these I was buzzing. They're all leather which makes them super comfy (especially sans sock) and aesthetically, they strike the perfect balance between boyish and girlish (don'tcha think?). Oh and in case you didn't know (I didn't) the artist formerly known as DuoBoots have had a lil' aul brand make-over and are now going by the name Ted & Muffy. So, now that we're up to speed, just a quick word on the rest of this outfit. The trews are an absolutely ledge pair from Gap that were 40% off and are slightly stretchy, slightly cropped and the buggers have only got pockets too. Result. The jumper is a Whistles one that my sis bought me for my birthday and I've worn it so much it's actually blown both our minds. (Which reminds me, I must, erm, wash it). Do you have any brogues in your life? (Or indeed any jumpers that could walk by themselves). Lemmie know xx

PS Soz about the half dead flowers

Brogues- *Ted & Muffy//Trousers- Gap

Jumper- Whistles//Print- Sealoe

I Haul Therefore I Am

It probably won't come as any great surprise to you when I impart the following information: I shop all the time. My life is basically: Eat, Sleep, Shop, Repeat. But when September rolls around I up my hauling game to even more monumental levels in preparation for the oncoming season. For the last couple of weeks I have basically taken up residence in Zara and only popped home occasionally to check the post and deposit my wares. So, what have I purchased? Top of the A/W hitlist for me (and I think for everyone) is a pair of boots. This time I've gone for these which are strictly to be worn only with cropped flares of some kind or other. Of course now I've bought them I'm getting my eye into flared heels and sock boots (again, these would look so so wrong with skinnies, precipitating the need for a lorra lorra different cropped trews and jeans to set them off to their best advantage). Each A/W I tend to buy enough knitwear to make an entire sheep farm shiver, and I've started as I mean to go on with this cropped sweater (but I realllllly like this from Cos, I just struggle a bit mentally with spending £60 on a jumper). I've also bought this merino wool knit from H&M which is the kind of thing I'll live in all winter. 

Also, whilst on the subject of H&M I should also make mention of these freakin' amazing girlfriend jeans. They are super-comfy and super-slouchy and just ledge. I also couldn't resist another pair of lace-up flats in the form of these nude suedette versions of The Trend That Won't Die. (Although what I'm really truly lusting after are these suede beauts- again- money is the issue and nowt else). I am also slightly obsessed with raw hems at the moment, and yes- I could've chopped up some of my old jeans- but no, only new will do for Little Miss Greedy; so I got these. How's your hauling going? Lemmie know xx

Boots- Zara//Knit- Zara//Girlfriend Jeans- H&M

Lace-Up Flats- Zara//Raw Hem Jeans- Zara//Cacti- Ikea

Blogging, Blagging and Blackmail

Macarongate probably didn't escape your attention. It happened a couple of weeks back and blew up T'Intz. (If you missed it, catch up here). I'd like to think my moral compass points (pretty) firmly to Magnetic North, but there seems to be right and wrong on both sides in this case. The whole débacle- however- definitely got me thinking about the murky world of 'freebies', cue: earnest debate.

There's No Such Thing As A Free Lunch

Not according to bloggers (that's us!! hiya!!). We would have you believe that what we do is incredibly hard work. Something akin to toiling at the coal face. Yes, it is exhausting hauling and shooting and editing and writing and socialmediaring but saving lives we are not. A freebie is a freebie is a freebie. Don't try and dress this shit up (pardon the pun). Evidence (should it be required) is all over Depop- in the form of clothes that bloggers have only worn once for half an hour to shoot in and are now trying to make dollar on.
Must Be Funny
Whilst on the subject of cold hard cash, let's just remind ourselves that a sizeable minority of bloggers charge for their posts. To be honest, I'm still wrapping my swede round that one, but I can only say bon chance guurrrllllfriend, go forth and milk it.

Getting A Bad Rep

One thing that Macarongate highlighted was that bloggers seem to be getting diva reps to everyone that isn't us. Civilians, PRs, Russian oligarchs sick of girls from Kent trying to conduct impromptu shoots on their otherwise immaculate street in Belgravia. You name 'em, we seem to be pissing them off. This is not a good thing. Of course, magazine editors have always hated us and regard us as mere amateurs whoring ourselves out for the slightest chance to waft in front of Tommy Ton's lens or snag one of those aforementioned freebies. Can owt be done to restore our reps? Possibly, but 'The Blogger' in Macarongate definitely got way more hate than 'The Baker', indicating it may be a long road.

Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie

Speaking of being a diva and annoying the sweet baby jesus out of PRs, let's get down to the rights and wrongs of 'asking for things'. Personally I'd rather die than ask a PR for anything. I guess it comes from being a journalist and having the mindset of regarding them as annoying irritants constantly trying to flog me shit I don't want. Am I missing out? It's entirely possible. It goes back to the old playground thing. Some girls wanted a crisp out of their friend's packet of Walkers at break time so asked. Some other girls also wanted the crisp, but thought it better not ask believing they were then more likely to be offered. In life- some people are of the 'don't ask, don't get' ilk, whilst others keep it on the down-low. (You don't say). Which reminds me, you know how 'Céline at Selfridges' have got their own Instagram account? I once saw a blogger shamelessly write under one of their pictures, 'I'd love to do a collab'. Christ Oh Lord did I blush. I even nearly cried. I cringed for her. I cringed for myself. I cringed for the entire known universe. Guess what 'Céline at Selfridges' pinged back- just a simple, damning, one word response- 'Collab?'. Holy shit: there were lolz. At the same time you may be thinking 'good for her', and part of me also admires the mahoosive cojones involved in such a punt*. *Yes, I said punt.
So, can we conclude anything from this sugary firestorm? (Apart from the fact that I never asked anyone for a crisp during break). Probably only that money talks and bullshit walks (with bare props to Bobbi Flekman). Where do you stand on the whole freebie thing? Do you hit up PRs? Tell all chicas xx

Notebook- The Bloggers Planner//Macarons- M&S (lol)