Instagram Irritations

As usual, pretty much everything on Instagram is annoying the beeejeeezus out of me, so I thought I'd compile a lovely list of my grievances to really give vent to my fury and hopefully cleanse my rather irritated soul.

Change Is A Good Thing

Er, no it freaking isn't. Who ever said change is good needs a cold shower and a head wobble. I'm referring (of course?) to IG's new and "improved" direct messaging. I used to love DMing. I'd be pinging pictures and pithy asides (ahem) back and forth all day to my main chicas, happily slagging off everyone in the whole wide gramo'sphere. But my preferred method of bitching has been cruelly taken from me. Basically, I have an iPhone 4S and an iPad Mini 2- so far- so first world. Neither allow me now to see my DMs for various techie reasons that I won't bore you with. So, I got in the queue at Apple where a bloke in a beanie told me I needed to back up, sync, load, reboot, go to Rymans, install the Apple app on my phone for an appointment (I made him try to do it- epic fail) and generally become the kind of person who doesn't need to get in the queue at the Apple shop. If I understood the first thing about technology I wouldn't be here, in this bastard queue, when I could be in Zara. Since QueueGate, I now can't use IG at all on my phone any more, it's hit storage and I'm not due an upgrade until next May. Fucking May. Pissed off? Just a teeny weeny bit.

Now You're Just Somebody That I Used To Know

With increasing frequency I'm getting girls who I once counted as 'buddies', not liking my pictures and then unfollowing me. Of course, being Mrs Loyal (first name Naive) it never occurs to me that these things are gonna happen. So I cheerfully carry on liking their pics and throwing out gushing compliments like Muggy McMugsville, when they've discarded my sorry ass some time back. Great.

Happy Fucking Birthday

Get on this: I'd been following and liking the pics of a very cool girl for some time when she finally noticed me. (Who, me? Fucking hell, this whole thing is like sitting on the 'Singles Bench' in Grease waiting for some boy to take pity on you and ask for a dance). Yes! Woo! She liked my pic! Emboldened by the positivity she was showering upon me I decided to wish her happy birthday. I thought nothing more of it until she posted her next picture. For some reason I decided to look back at her birthday snap only to find she'd said thank you to every other freaking arsehole person who sent her birthday wishes....except me. And I mean everyone. 

The Hulk

Some people on IG are just annoying aren't they? You can't put your finger on quite why, but they are. For a while I'd been getting what I consider to be 'passive aggressive' comments off one particular girl. I'd held my keyboard thus far, figuring I didn't really wanna get into a big aul' ding-dong on there unless absolutely necessary. But when she had another dig recently I couldn't let it pass. I thought about what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it (only fools rush in). Anddddd......she apologized and I think felt suitably embarrassed. (I played the illness card. Not proud. But I am ill and I can't fucking see very well, so there you go). I could've torn strips off her, but I've a feeling I might need to save that one for another day. (Dot, dot, dot) *Not in the Mamma Mia sense
Rumi Has It
Do you follow Rumi Neely? You probably do as she has way over half a million "Insta Disciples". Increasingly she seems to enjoy courting controversy, or at very least, sparking debates about her weight. 'Stop thin shaming', 'She may be happy with her figure', 'Please eat something', and so it goes on, endlessly. I know I know, I can unfollow if I don't wanna see it. But actually, I do wanna see her weird, contorted, pseudo-sexual poses, and I do definitely wanna see The Fighting Followers trying to make sense of it all. I guess I'm doing the Instagram version of driving slowly past a car crash. But then again, that is basically what  IG is about, so I'm not losing sleep. 

What's been bugging you recently on IG? Lemmie know xx
PS Wow- look at my camera roll shot- so full of beautiful, fleeting, meaningful moments forever captured. On no, it's just full of self-obsessed shit for Instagram

Sunnies- Céline//Notebook- Bloggers Planner//Cup- Design Letters

6 Very Annoying Things About Blogging

Blogging is a right old rollercoaster. Some might even say "a journey". One minute you're putting out ace photos and highly pertinent posts; the next you're losing followers and questioning your very existence. Whilst it's all sunshine, priddy flatlays and shit loads of Instagram likes on the good days, the darker moments where everything bugs the hell out of you also need a little more delving into. So, let's delve.

Time Is The Enemy

Holy Moses, where does the day go? I mean, srsly. I get up at 6.30am but somehow I just never have a minute to do anything. And blogging is nowt if not time-consuming. It just munches time like a fat kid eats cake. If I shoot outside (which I increasingly don't- you guessed it- seem to have time for) I have to plan like a very planny-person to make it happen. And then there's the editing. Uggghh. This is literally the bane of my life. It takes me sooooo long. Admittedly I lack the skillz, but basically one shoot outside = a week of work. I shit you not. Shoot outside on Saturday- post won't be ready until Friday. Gun emoji.

The Best Things In Life Are Free

Coco Chanel once said "the best things in life are free, but the second best are very expensive". To which I can only posthumously reply "yasssss Gabrielle". Dunno about you, but I see a lot of bloggers banging on about how you shouldn't be in blogging for the freebies. What a load of balls. Of course you should be! Personally I rarely get sent anything- and oh my days- you should see things I do get offered. Jesus wept. But you know- I'm not cool, or cute and nobody reads this shit, so I can't- and don't- expect much. Bloggers who whinge on about how companies expect them to do posts "for free" hack me off the most though. Ok, so these girls are mostly full-time and need the dollar. I get it. But I also think they require a teeny perspective check. So, you get sent watches and clothes and make-up and get flown on free trips around the world....and you want paying too? What.The.Fuck. Count yourself lucky and stick a cork in it. 

Perfection Doesn't Exist

Life can look pretty sweet through a lens. And a filter. But perfect girls don't exist. They may look tall and thin and stunning- inside though- trust me, they're evil and have black souls. (Not sure if I need to write lolz now or not). The flip side of this 'perfection dilemma' is...do you reallllly wanna see an un-photoshopped picture of a girl with greasy hair tied-up in a scrunchie? Thought not. *NB I actually like scrunchies, but you get my drift.

Houston We Have A Problem

I have technical 'Reverse Midas Touch'. Literally every bit of techie kit I own dies or breaks or is something I could never work properly in the first place. My laptop is years old, super-slow and does the most random things. It takes me forever to upload any blog pics but, on the upside- it does give me time to paint my nails or do a quick scroll through IG as I wait for it to whir and click. As for iPhones- well- I am your granny. Blogging needs lots of cameras, and memory cards, and remotes and extra bits of storage, and wires, cables and HTML skillz and the list goes on. In my whole time blogging I've learnt piss all about any of it.

You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry

There's a lot of fakeness and insincerity flying around, isn't there? Shitehawking I call it. Like the blogger who just writes 'cute' over and over and over on literally everyone in the whole wide world's IG pics. So, how amazing would it be to just go batshit and say what you really think? Imagine if everyone did that. Just for one day.  

I Don't Care About Clever, I Don't Care About Funny

Illiteracy is, seemingly, highly fashionable. I'm not sure if blogging just attracts spectacularly thick girls who can't even construct sentences, let alone spell, but it sure as hell feels like it. One high-profile blogger- particularly- seems massively adept at brandishing her stupidity. She can't even spell the brands of the items she's gifted correctly. Swear down. You'd think the brands would be pissed off, right? Doesn't seem that way. Sure, fashion blogging is primarily a visual medium. Readers (or perhaps that should more accurately be "viewers") wanna cut to the chase and see those images. And I understand that possibly everyone under the age of twenty one doesn't get the difference between your/you're, his/he's, their/there/they're; so it's not legit to solely beat bloggers with that stick. But not spelling your branded links correctly? Piss off back to school (or at least use spell check FFS) and stop wafting about pretending you're Sincerely Jules.

What narks you most about the big wide world of blogging? Hit me up x PS And please feel free to say "negative bitchy shit like this".

Shoes- Zara//Sunnies- Céline