Happy New Year

Just thought I'd say 'Hiiiiii', Happy 2016, and kick things off for a new year. Whilst I'm not really one for resolutions, if I were to make any, these would be they:

1. Walk More

I'm probably the fattest I've ever been and there's no doubt I used to get from A to B a helluva lot more in recent years on foot. I just can't be arsed lately. And since I got my new car and discovered digital radio I like being in my motor approximately....all the time.

2. Stop Whining

I'm an epic moaner. You probably noticed. It just helps me to whinge. I dunno if it comes from being British, or just being a Naturally Negative Nelly but I find it theraputic. People always think I'm looking for 'solutions' to my 'problems' but I'm not. I just love complaining.

3. Actually Learn More About Photography

I have a kinda of 'camera blindness' that basically means I just point my lens at something and hope it focuses and ends up looking nice. I find ISOs and apertures and all that shit ultra-confusing. How nice would it be to actually understand a camera? (Very). To be fair to myself I never shoot on auto, but I wanna up my game severely.

4. Become A Dot Com

I've been a blogspot foreverrrrrr. I actually enjoy the lo-fi-ness of blogger, especially now everyone's blogs seem to be all singing, all dancing affairs. If I do buy a domain, I'll need help. It'll actually be the fourth time I will have payed someone for a blog make-over. (Yes! Fourth!). And maybe it'll be the moment where I'm actually finally happy with the freakin' thing. I'm resistant though. Squarespace loads super slowly, and Wordpress'll no doubt mash my swede. So, we'll see.

5. Stop Being Bitchy

Nah, ain't gonna happen.

6. Look Boys In The Eye

I avoid boys at all costs. Whilst I'm dateless and utterly, eternally single, this of course makes no sense. The thing is: I don't want boys to look me back in the eye. I don't want them to look at me at all. Because, what if (let's just be wild and reckless here for a second) one of them did actually fancy me? Well, shit. They might actually chat me up, or something weird like that. Which might lead to a date. Which might lead to a bit of, er....oh Jesus. I don't think I better look at any of them. Ever again. As you were.

7. Shred & File

Shredding and filing have got to be the two shittest tasks in the whole wide world. Consequently I dwell in mountains of paper. I even have several 'Would you like a Vogue subscription?' letters from 2011 (and probably from even before that). Need.To.Get.On.It.

8. Enjoy Instagram

Tough one this, as it feels like anything but enjoyable 99% of the time. But it should be fun, shouldn't it?

9. Buy Less Trainers

I'm addicted. I need to stop. I just always like the ones I haven't got.

10. Win A Bloglovin Award

Just kidding.

What have you resolved? Lemmie know x

Instagram Irritations

As usual, pretty much everything on Instagram is annoying the beeejeeezus out of me, so I thought I'd compile a lovely list of my grievances to really give vent to my fury and hopefully cleanse my rather irritated soul.

Change Is A Good Thing

Er, no it freaking isn't. Who ever said change is good needs a cold shower and a head wobble. I'm referring (of course?) to IG's new and "improved" direct messaging. I used to love DMing. I'd be pinging pictures and pithy asides (ahem) back and forth all day to my main chicas, happily slagging off everyone in the whole wide gramo'sphere. But my preferred method of bitching has been cruelly taken from me. Basically, I have an iPhone 4S and an iPad Mini 2- so far- so first world. Neither allow me now to see my DMs for various techie reasons that I won't bore you with. So, I got in the queue at Apple where a bloke in a beanie told me I needed to back up, sync, load, reboot, go to Rymans, install the Apple app on my phone for an appointment (I made him try to do it- epic fail) and generally become the kind of person who doesn't need to get in the queue at the Apple shop. If I understood the first thing about technology I wouldn't be here, in this bastard queue, when I could be in Zara. Since QueueGate, I now can't use IG at all on my phone any more, it's hit storage and I'm not due an upgrade until next May. Fucking May. Pissed off? Just a teeny weeny bit.

Now You're Just Somebody That I Used To Know

With increasing frequency I'm getting girls who I once counted as 'buddies', not liking my pictures and then unfollowing me. Of course, being Mrs Loyal (first name Naive) it never occurs to me that these things are gonna happen. So I cheerfully carry on liking their pics and throwing out gushing compliments like Muggy McMugsville, when they've discarded my sorry ass some time back. Great.

Happy Fucking Birthday

Get on this: I'd been following and liking the pics of a very cool girl for some time when she finally noticed me. (Who, me? Fucking hell, this whole thing is like sitting on the 'Singles Bench' in Grease waiting for some boy to take pity on you and ask for a dance). Yes! Woo! She liked my pic! Emboldened by the positivity she was showering upon me I decided to wish her happy birthday. I thought nothing more of it until she posted her next picture. For some reason I decided to look back at her birthday snap only to find she'd said thank you to every other freaking arsehole person who sent her birthday wishes....except me. And I mean everyone. 

The Hulk

Some people on IG are just annoying aren't they? You can't put your finger on quite why, but they are. For a while I'd been getting what I consider to be 'passive aggressive' comments off one particular girl. I'd held my keyboard thus far, figuring I didn't really wanna get into a big aul' ding-dong on there unless absolutely necessary. But when she had another dig recently I couldn't let it pass. I thought about what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it (only fools rush in). Anddddd......she apologized and I think felt suitably embarrassed. (I played the illness card. Not proud. But I am ill and I can't fucking see very well, so there you go). I could've torn strips off her, but I've a feeling I might need to save that one for another day. (Dot, dot, dot) *Not in the Mamma Mia sense
Rumi Has It
Do you follow Rumi Neely? You probably do as she has way over half a million "Insta Disciples". Increasingly she seems to enjoy courting controversy, or at very least, sparking debates about her weight. 'Stop thin shaming', 'She may be happy with her figure', 'Please eat something', and so it goes on, endlessly. I know I know, I can unfollow if I don't wanna see it. But actually, I do wanna see her weird, contorted, pseudo-sexual poses, and I do definitely wanna see The Fighting Followers trying to make sense of it all. I guess I'm doing the Instagram version of driving slowly past a car crash. But then again, that is basically what  IG is about, so I'm not losing sleep. 

What's been bugging you recently on IG? Lemmie know xx
PS Wow- look at my camera roll shot- so full of beautiful, fleeting, meaningful moments forever captured. On no, it's just full of self-obsessed shit for Instagram

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