The Pyjama Game

Inside out dressing has been with us for a while now. Basically, wearing your PJs in public is very definitely a thing. And this shirt from Zara has completely woken me up from my winter sartorial jumper slumber. At first the price point had me a bit vexed (espesh as it's not silk), but when you like something you like something. And actually it does seem to have been a wise buy (there's a first) as I've searched the whole t'intz for similar but have pretty much drawn a blank. However, if you like jazzy prints this is beautiful. Or if you're looking for the real-deal pyjama-wise then Derek Rose is the don. How are you feeling about wearing your bed-wear out and about? Lemmie know, catch you soon x 

Shirt- Zara//Jeans- Topshop

Shoes- H&M//*Phonecase- Richmond & Finch

Let's Twist Again

The humble knot has been given some major fashion kudos this season. Twists and flourishes are appearing on everything, especially shoes, and I'm going H-A-M for them. It all kicked off (see what I did there) with Ports 1961 incred slip-ons. Four hundred quid though? Ain't nobody got time for that. (Apart from that bloke who just won the lottery). ASOS then jumped in with these cuties (naturally I've been through the whole of ASOS with a fine tooth comb and I can't find them). Just leaping back into high-end momentarily, Joshua Sanders has hit us with these babes. (Better buy a scratch card ASAP). Coming back down the scale slightly, there is this insane dupe for the Ports babies. (I actually want errrrything from LOÉIL, shipping and duty I hate you). Pleasingly, French Connection have also come forth with some hotties too, as have Kurt Geiger. And then there's my lil' kicks which will have to do until my credit limit gets raised. You feeling the hype? Let me know x PS Apologies for the appalling mahogany state of my feet. I shot this on fake tan day. Lesson learned.

Shoes- H&M//Knitted Pants- Zara

The Single Life

As we rapidly approach February the 14th AKA The Worst Day In The World for singletons, I've been starting to do something very unlike me and that's be.....positive. Yes, Pollyanna here is actually really quite glad that she doesn't have a boyfriend. No, honestly. Truly. (I know I know- I never believe anyone when they say that either). But I've decided that there are some very good things about not having An Other Half. (Who even thought of that 'Other Half' phrase? Please have them sent out and beasted). So let's examine those very things right here and now.

The Bed's Too Big Without You

Actually, no, no it's not. I get to sleep on whichever side of the bed I so choose. I can even go diagonal and hog as many covers as I want.

Let's Play Charades

Vally Day is one big faux luv-in, is it not? A charade if you will. And a very expensive one at that.

Amazon Prime & Relax

Imagine wanting to watch your fave programme and then having to have sex instead. File that right under 'Piss off'.

Love Handles

Boyfriends make you fat. This is #barefax. They eat so much and expect you to keep up with them. 'Are you the push-a-salad-round-the-plate type?' first-daters inquire. Yes, I fucking am.

Text Stress

You never know where boyfriends are. In the manner of Lord Disick. Out getting drunk probably. Conveniently forgetting they've got a girlfriend. Ignoring your polite texts. Balls to that.

Forget Me Not

They tend to- also conveniently- not remember your birthday. And if they do somehow make a vague gesture towards celebrating this milestone event it'll be with something purchased from the BP station on the way home. Or with a really repulsive perfume that smells of cats. 

So there we have it. A few reminders that singing 'All By Myself' at the top of your lungs on Sunday might be just the ticket. (Soz to all the loved-up chicas out there with nice boys in their lives.....have they got any brothers at all, at all?)

Print- White Obsession//Make-Up- Chanel

New Year//New Watch//New Jewellery

After all my whinin' and hollerin' and bitchin' about how no watch company were taking any notice whatsoever of lil' old me......finally a lovely brand has taken pity :) Say hello to my new time-telling device from Klarf. It's a sick minimal brand with only six styles to choose from- but srsly- how many freakin' choices do you need? (Less options, less headaches I find). I went for the black face with the gold bezel and I'm basically trippin' off this beaut. I've also recently found a super cheappppp online jewellery shop that does loads of dupes and simple pieces that's similarly making me buzz my face (and wrists and fingers) off. Most of the minimal Tictailers out there still seem to be priddy expensive to me- so I'd deffo recommend jumping on this site. (You can follow their IG here- bonus points for spotting my pic!!). Catch you soon x

Watch- Klarf//Jewellery- Mnml Jewellery

Notebook- Tiger//Cactus- Ikea

Happy New Year

Just thought I'd say 'Hiiiiii', Happy 2016, and kick things off for a new year. Whilst I'm not really one for resolutions, if I were to make any, these would be they:

1. Walk More

I'm probably the fattest I've ever been and there's no doubt I used to get from A to B a helluva lot more in recent years on foot. I just can't be arsed lately. And since I got my new car and discovered digital radio I like being in my motor approximately....all the time.

2. Stop Whining

I'm an epic moaner. You probably noticed. It just helps me to whinge. I dunno if it comes from being British, or just being a Naturally Negative Nelly but I find it theraputic. People always think I'm looking for 'solutions' to my 'problems' but I'm not. I just love complaining.

3. Actually Learn More About Photography

I have a kinda of 'camera blindness' that basically means I just point my lens at something and hope it focuses and ends up looking nice. I find ISOs and apertures and all that shit ultra-confusing. How nice would it be to actually understand a camera? (Very). To be fair to myself I never shoot on auto, but I wanna up my game severely.

4. Become A Dot Com

I've been a blogspot foreverrrrrr. I actually enjoy the lo-fi-ness of blogger, especially now everyone's blogs seem to be all singing, all dancing affairs. If I do buy a domain, I'll need help. It'll actually be the fourth time I will have payed someone for a blog make-over. (Yes! Fourth!). And maybe it'll be the moment where I'm actually finally happy with the freakin' thing. I'm resistant though. Squarespace loads super slowly, and Wordpress'll no doubt mash my swede. So, we'll see.

5. Stop Being Bitchy

Nah, ain't gonna happen.

6. Look Boys In The Eye

I avoid boys at all costs. Whilst I'm dateless and utterly, eternally single, this of course makes no sense. The thing is: I don't want boys to look me back in the eye. I don't want them to look at me at all. Because, what if (let's just be wild and reckless here for a second) one of them did actually fancy me? Well, shit. They might actually chat me up, or something weird like that. Which might lead to a date. Which might lead to a bit of, er....oh Jesus. I don't think I better look at any of them. Ever again. As you were.

7. Shred & File

Shredding and filing have got to be the two shittest tasks in the whole wide world. Consequently I dwell in mountains of paper. I even have several 'Would you like a Vogue subscription?' letters from 2011 (and probably from even before that). Need.To.Get.On.It.

8. Enjoy Instagram

Tough one this, as it feels like anything but enjoyable 99% of the time. But it should be fun, shouldn't it?

9. Buy Less Trainers

I'm addicted. I need to stop. I just always like the ones I haven't got.

10. Win A Bloglovin Award

Just kidding.

What have you resolved? Lemmie know x

Watch Me

A while back I bought a freakin' brilliant watch from ASOS. It had a leather strap, looked clean and simple and kept time amazingly well. Plus, it was as cheap as. (Five ticks, basically). But I've Grammed it and worn it to death, so boredom (and Black Friday) naturally led me to buying some new wrist candy. Enter stage-left...the black-faced watch. Now this little cracker hasn't got a leather strap so it's not as comfy, but who cares when it looks this good? If Larsson & Jennings, Daniel Wellington, Cluse, Triwa, Nixon, Shore Projects, The Fifth, Fjord, Deon Dane, Christian Paul, Marc Bale, Kapten (and all the other amazing watch brands out there) are not in your budget or they completely ignore the fact that you're an amazing blogger (cough cough) then look no further than ASOS. What's your fave watch ATM? *See what I did there.

Watch- ASOS//Bangle- ASOS//Jumper- Zara//Jeans- Zara

Acne Canada

Another post, another PPI purchase. This time I've been splashing my (not very hard earned) cash on something I've been lusting after forevveerrrrrr. Last year I bought three scarves from Topshop and one from Zara, all at about twenty quid each. Then I sat myself down and said (in my best Danny Dyer voice) 'You fuckkkkkin' mug'. I could've easily forfeited the high street- just for once- and gone and got myself a ridiculously lustworthy Acne Canada instead. So this year- with my PPI firmly ensconced in my account- I hotfooted it down to Dover Street to finally treat maself. I actually expected my shopping experience in there to be a little bit unenjoyable and frosty. But no. Everyone there is lovely and normal (WTF) and whilst clearly unused to divs like me crossing their threshold (all my fellow shoppers were clearly loaded); the whole purchasing process was very pleasant. (Admittedly, this was in no small part due to the hot Aussie guy who served me. He was fair dinkum and no mistake). God, I'm gonna be so devz when this cash-monay of mine finally runs out. Catch you soon x

Scarf- Acne Studios

Céline Baby Cabas

When I first got my PPI cheque I didn't even dare look at it. I just held it, took deep breaths and then crossed myself approximately seventeen times. Ain't gonna lie- it wasn't as much as I was hoping for. My battle to get any kind of payout at all has been ridiculously epic, with my bank at one point even denying I was a customer of theirs. (Serious case of WTF). But at the end of the day, I'm now a rich bitch. Ha! (Well, at least, it feels like it, if only for a hot minute). Naturally, once I'd got over the shock, excitement, and slight disappointment of receiving my cheque- my thoughts immediately turned to handbags. And the wish list compiling began in a flash.

My mum tells me one of the first words I ever learnt to say was 'baggie'. I even went round Disney World, aged seven, carrying a clutch bag and wearing large shades. (#yergetme) So, to say I'm an obsessed bag-laydee is something of an understatement. The bags I dream of owning are many and marginally varied, at any one time. Currently, it stands like this: Chloe Faye (large), Chloe Faye (small), Céline Trio, Céline Belt Bag, Céline Knot Bag, Céline Cabas Phantom, Céline Box Bag, YSL Sac Du Jour (small), YSL Universite, Balenciaga Mini Papier, Loewe Puzzle, Gucci Dionysus, APC Half Moon, Marni Trunk, Chanel Wallet On A Chain and every colour bucket bag that Mansur Gavriel make, (plus quite a few more). My sister's nickname for me is 'Greedy' and I can totally see where she's coming from with that one :) However, I didn't delay in getting my shop on and it's now not gonna be any great surprise to you- given the title of this post- that I went in- and I went Céline. I'd actually seen the Baby Cabas before and dismissed it (you know, coz I used to be poor); and I also had slight concerns about the proportions (it's on the small side for a tote). But I had a lovely time swanning round Céline like Lady Loadsamoney, and Melanie there is my new BFF. It was terrifying and exhilarating to just drop big cash bombs and not really have to stress about it. In fact, I got the wind in my sails verrrry quickly and started thinking about a knot bangle and a wallet and all sorts. But I want my fundage to stretch to some other stuff- like an Olympus Pen, and an Acne scarf, some Eames chairs, and maybe a few tinier treats too. So, thank you bank for ripping me off, then paying me back (eventually), thanks to my beaut sis for her perseverance in the whole matter (she's my rock) and thank you Phoebe P for being such a ledge. This bag lady is one happy obsessive.

Bag- Céline//Print- Sealoe

Is Using Photoshop Immoral?

To Photoshop or not to Photoshop, that is the question. Personally, I love grappling with a moral dilemma and there's none more pertinent to bloggers than the fine art of digital retouching; so let's get into it.

Cards On The Table

Straight off the bat, I should fess up here and admit that I use both P-Shop and Facetune. (Actually, I use Gimp on my laptop- which in case you don't know- is like a freebie version of The Shop for tightwads). I started using Gimp when I asked a good friend if he knew how to correct a holiday snap of mine. (Vain much? You betcha). I loved the pic, but my flyaway Brillo-Pad hair and smudged mazzy? Not so much. He told me to download Gimp and gave me very specific instructions on what to do. (He knows I'm a complete div and would only have ended up asking him to help me anyway had he not put it in Gimp-For-Dummies terminology). I was absolutely fascinated by it and immediately set to work 'correcting' all sorts of shit- including a lovely snap of my mummy and me that I completely ruined by looking like Michael Jackson. 

A Little Goes A Long Way

So far, so what? All I'd done was rescue photos that I made look rubbish by 'merely' enhancing them into a printable, saveable and frameable state-of-being. Did that make me a moral pauper? Not if you go by the great Susan Sontag's theory that all photos are simulacrums and inherently 'fake'. Then I started blogging, and things started to get a bit more hazy.

Blurred Lines

I've read about girls who've used Photoshop, then given it all up and put out a confessional 'cleansing' blog post to heal the wounds. I've read about girls who use P-Shop on the regz and don't worry a jot about it. And I've also read about girls who stand in judgement of those that use it and think we are akin to Satan crossed with Lindsey 'Wonky Wall' Lohan. I actually think everyone has a valid point of view. I continue to use it,  and here's for why. The most valuable things that Gimp enables me to do are 1) crop a picture without losing pixels and 2) lighten a photo dramatically in a very precise way. For a long while I was cropping my pictures in Windows Photo Reader (srsly) and Holy Grainyballs did it show. I'll also go so far as to say that for a complete dunce like me it's actually enjoyable learning shit on Gimp, and it feels like it's the one thing under the general category of 'Computer Stuff' where I've actually developed any skillz whatsoever. I still don't know how to use it properly and everytime I Google how to do something my brain hurts immediately and I have to stop. But I look forward to stumbling upon new and interesting ways to make my piccies better. (I've included a Before And After below so you can see my corrections. Not vastly different at first glance it's true, but just that bit cleaner, and generally more pleasing to my eye- and hopefully yours).

Face Off

Finally, let's tackle Instagram. Facetune is my go-to app for all my gramming (including fliters). For my flatlays I clean-up any stray bits of dirt or hairs that magically always seem to find their way onto my white card (as per below) and yes, I'm not above removing a spot or a wrinkle. You may think that's wrong. Or misleading. Or as my friend Greg from college once said "you're only cheating yourself". (He was actually referring to the fact that my entire class cheated on their Art History mock A-Level, but the point remains). For me- someone with acne and acne scarring- it's oddly theraputic to magically erase the craters on my face, and is probably something that only those with skin problems can fully understand. (I'm far from trying to 'perfect' myself though and if you look back at any of my shoots on here you'll see I always end up looking stupendously average in every way). I'm just trying not to let the nasty shit detract from an outfit or an image. Sometimes of course, that 'nasty shit' can make a picture (particularly when a good photographer is behind the lens- think- Bruce Webber's obsession with broken noses for example); but for the purposes of blogging I feel no shame in tidying things up. What do you think about retouching? Do you indulge? Do you find me utterly Satanic? Lemmie know xx

Sneaks- Adidas//Cup- Design Letters//Flower- Sia

En Brogue

I've always wanted a pair of black patent brogues, so when my Fairy Shoemother (AKA Olivia) kindly sent me these I was buzzing. They're all leather which makes them super comfy (especially sans sock) and aesthetically, they strike the perfect balance between boyish and girlish (don'tcha think?). Oh and in case you didn't know (I didn't) the artist formerly known as DuoBoots have had a lil' aul brand make-over and are now going by the name Ted & Muffy. So, now that we're up to speed, just a quick word on the rest of this outfit. The trews are an absolutely ledge pair from Gap that were 40% off and are slightly stretchy, slightly cropped and the buggers have only got pockets too. Result. The jumper is a Whistles one that my sis bought me for my birthday and I've worn it so much it's actually blown both our minds. (Which reminds me, I must, erm, wash it). Do you have any brogues in your life? (Or indeed any jumpers that could walk by themselves). Lemmie know xx

PS Soz about the half dead flowers

Brogues- *Ted & Muffy//Trousers- Gap

Jumper- Whistles//Print- Sealoe

How To Survive Instagram

A survival guide? To Instagram? Am I on coke? (Nope, not even the diet variety, sadly). Have I lost my marbles? (Not much debate needed there). Does the world really require a guide to surviving an app? (Especially one that is supposed to be fun). Well, I've concluded that yes- a little chat is needed about what to do when it's all going Pete T on there and you have that overriding impluse to throw in the towel.* (*This actually happens to me most days). So, let's chat. (Christ I sound like Alan Partridge).

Too Legit To Quit

A few weeks ago I somehow managed to accrue 4000 followers on Instagram. For me, this was a big achievement. (Woo! Partay! Thank you for 4k!- NB* I didn't actually do that 'thank you for 4k' thing- I just said it in my head). I realise for most fashion bloggers this is an embarrassingly meagre tally- although to most civilians (if I may borrow from La Hurley for a moment)- it's a jolly big numero and I should shut the fuck up if I'm gonna start whining about it. For a New York minute I was buzzing. I said to myself once (if I ever got to the dizzying heights of 4k) I wouldn't stress about IG so much. I wouldn't knock myself out posting two pics a day. (How can it be exhausting sharing two teeny tiny photos on line? Ugggh, it just is). In short, I would just chill- and try to enjoy it. Sure enough, none of those things happened. Why? Coz life ain't like that.

Good Better Best

At my prep school (what ho!) we had a motto (which we had to repeat on the regz)-  'Good, better, best, never let it rest, 'til the good is better and the better best'. I priddy much remember sod all from when I was younger, but that has stuck. Which is odd given that I have the very definition of a 'quitter's mentality'. I mean, of course I wanna do better in life generally, and in blogging (and gramming) specifically; but I suspect that if it were easy (although God only knows some girls make it look like that) I may be even less inclined to keep going. (There's logic there somewhere). In short, enbracing the 'difficulties' may actually pay dividends*.

*Who am I kidding? I wanna sit on my arse all day while someone cooks me Deliciously Ella's entire oeuvre whilst watching my IG grow by hundreds of followers daily for no apparent reason.

Take A Breather

Every time one of my friends wants to quit IG I do my darndest to talk them down from the ledge. (And they me). We all tend to conclude that a teeny break from the place can do some good. Even if it's just to see if you miss it. I always keep this in mind coz I once saw a girl delete her account and start another one afresh. This may seem very appealing when you look at your feed and think it's balls. I suspect the better route is to delete your pics (all of them if you must) and keep those hard-won followers with you. 

Get Some Perspective

Modern life troubles me. Particularly phone zombies. I don't go out drinking and partying (can't, unfortunately) but I hear that boys and girls don't even bother looking at each other any more, they just sit there scrolling through Tinder when they could be flirting with actual human beings IRL. And well, fuck only knows it's tough to put IG down (too). But if you try and shove it into a little mental box merely marked 'app on my phone' you may start to realise that's all it is. Yes, you don't even have to look at it! (Christ I need to take my own advice here).

So, there's my survival tips. (Shit, weren't they?) Bear Grylls I ain't. You ever feel the urge to quit IG? What stops you, if so? Tell all peeps x

Denim Mini- Topshop//Slides- Dune//Print- Sealoe

Le Skinny

So, I bought this skinny black neck-tie scarf thingy about a month ago. I thought it would greatly enhance  my entire floordrobe. I was wrong. It deffo doesn't go with everything, and as per, my ginger rats tails clash with it too. No matter. It'll probably look three thousand times better on you and totally Chloefy your life. Oh, and soz for the singular frame too. There were no good snaps from this shoot. Literally none. Zero. Zilch. Nada. (Including this one). And my computer's broken. Lucky I am not. Catch you soon (hopefully- once I've done that wrap-my-lappie-in-a-pashmina-and-take-it-to-the-mender-Carrie-style) xx

Top- Zara//Skinny Scarf- Zara//Denim Mini- Topshop

Diary Of A Fashion Blogger

Monday

Woke up to find I've lost 8 followers overnight on Instagram. Try not to be pissed off. But I am. Why does everybody else's freakin' account grow except mine? Throw on this morning's pic and hope that it doesn't go down like a lead balloon. Shiiitttt. It picks up likes super-slowly and by lunchtime I've lost another 5 followers. WTF. Check the account of a girl who not two weeks ago had less followers than me. She's now got 400 more! Four hundred! She doesn't even tag either. (How does that work?) I feel like if I put on a shit, dark snap of fuck all with zero tags I stand a better chance of doing 'well'. I'm struggling to do that (what I consider) 'fake thing' of commenting on everyone's piccies to get my name 'out there'. I only comment sincerely. I only do anything sincerely. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong. I'm feeling so emosh today. A celebrity has died and for some reason I lose it and start crying as I'm reading about her life. I'm not good at being tough. I'm literally the weakest person I know, but I fight the urge to cry more (it only makes my eyes hurt) and also with my plan to quit IG. (How long will that last?) On the plus side, my blog post has got two comments within an hour of being published. Woop-De-Doo.

Tuesday

Exercise this morning. Dear God in heaven I hate it more than my noisy neighbours. (And that's saying something). I think Kayla Itsines would laugh if she saw me. I think most people would laugh if they saw me. Buy New and Grazia during lunch. I love weekly magazines and devour them like a 5-2er on one of their 5 days. Then comes the obligatory lunchtime scroll through IG. I get The Fear (as usual) when I have to face up to seeing how many followers I've lost. (Gained 2, Lost 2, so it's as you were). I then realise that a girl I follow hasn't come up on my feed recently so I do a quick search for her name. This reaps no rewards so I figure she must've deleted her account. But just out of interest I decide to google too....and whaddya know....her account is alive, well and very much kicking. The penny drops very slowly (I'm thick, bear with)-  she's only fucking blocked me. Now this throws me into another tailspin. Why would she do that? What have I done to her? I try and recall if I've said anything remotely offensive, but can find no evidence. I posted one comment under one of her pictures about six months ago and she followed me (back). I diligently liked all her pics, but I never said owt further. I now miserably recall the half-jokey exchange I had with Josie t'other week about blocking on The Gram. Well, that's come back to bite me, hasn't it? I thought blocking was only used when people are being mean or abusive. Silly naive me. (I can google her feed any old time though so she hasn't really achieved much has she? Other than to be spiteful and speed her passage to hell. Plus, I'm a touch bored of her endless culottes and white shirts. Oh, and ever thought of learning to spell, love? Your blog is literally, literary jokes).

Wednesday
I've got a work deadline so I have to prioritise. If I get everything done I need to I'll reward myself with a little Topshop visit. Shopping is my reward, for, well, just about everything. I don't even have to buy. Just being in a shop makes me buzz my face off. That's why I don't really like shopping on-line. Plus, I loathe waiting in for packages, and returning things to the post office is literally my idea of purgatory. Hit my deadline, so it's Toppers here I come. Try on some sale clogs (size too big), look at a very cute dungaree dress (longingly) and end up buying two Celine-dupe hairslides and one of those fluffly pom-pom things you hang off your bag. I'm deffo not a fluffy pom-pom kinda person but it's too cute to resist.

Thursday
Thank the freakin' lord I don't have to shoot any looks this week. (I mean, maybe I should've instead of writing all this shit down), but I despise the whole process so much I'm keen to avoid it where poss. I do however, have to get a couple of FWISs in the bag. So, I put on some temporary fake tan (layered on top of my actual fake tan- yes, I really am that pale), grab some sunnies and head out. Fuck only knows what people think. In lots of ways I'm immune to all the stares and comments now, and at the same time I'm not. Men seem to take the sight of a girl, alone, taking pictures of her feet, as some sort of green light to chat. Which reminds me, I was busy walking along minding my own beeswax last week when some random bloke came up to me and asked me if I had the time. *Warning Siren* I never normally stop or speak when I get asked that question, because invariably it's a complete oddball doing the asking. But for some reason I stopped and said 'No, sorry I haven't'. (All true by the way, I wasn't wearing a watch, and fumbling in my bag for hours for my phone was deffo not an option I wanted to pursue). Guess what he said? Fuck off. Straight up, no messing, he just said fuck off.

Friday
I'm going backwards on IG. Again. I've posted 10 pics so far this week and I have piss all to show for them. An interesting American girl I follow, who up until recently was about 1000 followers behind me now has 600 more. She doesn't tag either. (Literally, how does anyone ever see your picture? Please someone enlighten me). She very sweetly likes all my pics, but I'm baffled why as she's very cool and I'm very not. I see A today. He's looking tanned and hot. H isn't with him. H is the one I really wanna see. I mean A is pure eye candy, and has deffo got a lot about him, but H makes me die. Whenever I update my FB (which is once a week if I remember) I sneak a look at A's account. There's a video on there of A skateboarding, clearly shot by H. Why didn't H just turn the camera on himself for a microsecond? H's face is the stuff of legend. I don't even know how it's physically possible for someone to be as beautiful as him. Last time I saw him was a year ago. A fucking year! I was wearing make-up then. I can't believe how much has changed for me in that time. I wouldn't actually want him to see me now. My eyes are a horror show. I have tried to wear make-up as a 'treat' once a week, but my eyes burn with pain after a couple of hours and I can't wait to take it all off. Still, I rehearse the conversation I am gonna have him when I do eventually see him. It's got an excellent Olivier Giroud reference and a flat-out refusal to pick up where we left off (trust me, he would try, he's a chancer). Anyway, I'm excited to stay at my mum and dad's for the whole weekend, sleep in and dream of handbags, normal functioning eyes and happier times with cute boys.

Watch- ASOS//Notebook- Ikea//Cup- Ikea

Scissors- Bonsai Direct//Hair Slides- Topshop//Cacti- Ikea

Still Summer

Shoots are like buses, aren't they? You wait forever for one, and then two turn up at once. So, not only do I have the planning skillz of a flea, but I've also managed to replicate the exact colour palette of that aforementioned shoot/bus. You'd think I could remember that I put together a black, white and red look not a couple of weeks since? Nope, not this sieve-head. Actually, laziness is mostly the culprit. I just happened to be wearing these shorts for a day of low-key errand-running (with a skanky auld tee and Birks). I then (stupidly) thought I'd half disrobe and just throw everything else on and trot out with the Nikon. And it shows. These shorts are deffo not blog-worthy and I can only apologise. They will not be rearing their utilitarianism/unflatteringness/mum-at-a-bar-b-queness again. So onto prettier things- like this top. I'm forever in love with a floaty white, hippy dippy tops (especially in this all pervasive Chloe-heavy S/S), and this cutie has stopped me from buying similar ones in Zara (for a lot more dollar). Big yay for that. And whilst me and the Mango glads did not see eye-to-eye (nor ankle-to-tie), these Gap ones (actually love the place, ain't gonna lie) stay up marginally better (although Fig 2 proves that gravity always wins). Oh, and while we're chit-chatting about tie-up sandals, these are dope too. You still clinging to Summer? You digging on ethereal white tops? You ever accidentally worn your shittiest shorts for blogging? Tell all my chicas, catch you soon xx

Top- SheInside*//Shorts- Gap

Gladiators- Gap//Bandana- ASOS//Sunnies- And Other Stories

The Trend That Won't Die

Did I need these lace-up flats? (No). Am I greedy? (Yes). Do I feel immense love every time I look at my feet? (Abso-freakin-lutely). So. Here we have Zara's take on the ghillie flats trend that is seemingly going nowhere. It all began with Aquazurra and Isabel Marant, then just about everyone else jumped on the hype. Oddly, I can't find these on Zara's website, but the nude are also calling my name. And these Massimo D's are also very beaut. How many pairs of lace-ups flats do you own? Tell me loads and make me feel better :) Catch you soon x

Flats- Zara//Jeans- Zara

6 Things You Shouldn't Do On Instagram

Spamalot

The temptation is real. You've got five realllly great pictures and you wanna post them all at once. The world needs to know this very minute how great your new shoes are/how yummy your avo toast looks/how unfiltered that sunset is. But wait. Hold yer horses. Less is more. Pace yourself. For me, five pictures a day is lot to be posting (even if you space them out)- although some girls post that amount (and more) and seem like very happy bunnies. Quality over quantity applies to lots of things in life, and this is probably one.

Getting Away With It

Speaking of quality posts, it's also a good policy to not post pics that are out of focus/darker than the night/distasteful. I actually have great fun reporting to Instagram all the pictures I think are inappropriate.* If you ever go on the #changingroomselfie tag you'll know what I'm saying. *Yes, I am that bastard. And yes I have no life.

Piggy Backing Ain't Cool

Do you really wanna be one of those girls who writes under an ASOS picture- 'Hi, new fashion blogger here it would mean a lot if you could look at my account!!'. No, thought not.

Playing Those Mind Games

As we all know, there is a lot of shitty low-down behaviour on IG. Not least being the arseholes who follow you, then moments later unfollow you in a petulant Prince George-having-a-tantrum-type-of-way. Actually, Prince G is a bit pure to be dragging into the murky world of Instagram, so let's just say these fuckers are childish. And no-one wants to be a childish fucker, do they? 

Human Behaviour

I'm sure you've seen it- hell- you have may unwittingly done it- I'm talking about 'forgetting' everyone on IG is real. Yes! Real life human-beings with feelings! To that end, don't start having a conversation with your mate (no matter how inocuous) on a "big-timer"'s page, chit-chatting away as if they don't exist. It's their freaking account...they can seeeee you. And especially don't get into it if you're gonna bitch. Once upon a gram, two Danish people (one boy, one girl) decided to have a little chinwag under a picture of mine. Were they saying nice things? They most certainly were not. But after a bit of Google Translating, they were gone.

Repeat After Me

Some girls on IG are comment crazy. They have to say morning to everyone, night to everyone and comment on every last little thing in between. Overkill much? You betcha. Now I don't wanna piss on anyone's chips here- some beautiful lil' friendships form on the Gram, and one of the greatest joys of the place is communication with girls across the globe. (Well, it is for me). It's just that effusive, over-bearing, insincere balls that seems so unnecessary. 'Morning babe, you look stunning today!!' Especially if you said it the night before, and the morning before that. I've even seen people say a Starbucks cup is "stunning". Erm, hello? 

The Conclusion

Etiquette counts, unless of course you don't give a fuck about such things. Just you carry on posting twenty pics a day, saying to your mate 'I can't believe how thin she is!' under a very thin girl's snap and promo-ing yourself on every feed you can. But don't come crying to me when you get 10k!!!!

What behaviour do you think is best to avoid on IG (if any)? Hit me up, luv u, bye. 

Jeans- H&M//Slides- Birkenstock//Print- Sealoe

Tanned & Tied

I didn't have to debate too long or hard when I first spotted these shoes. I was like, "Size 5, please I'll take 'em" within a matter of micro-seconds. All of a sudden I'm finding black just a touch heavy (Sacrilege! Burn her at the stake!) so tan is my next natural pit-stop. I'm still lacking a tan bag in my life, which vexes me greatly. Having missed out on a Cammello Man Gav (twice), my attention has turned to Building Block. (Big thanks to the dyslexic person who works at Grazia who listed this babe as £140 and not £410 last week.....I  was literally flexing that plastic). Anyway, the search continues, by which time it'll be that moment to start thinking about AW palettes and purchases. You feelin' tan atm? Lemmie know x

Flats- Topshop//Jeans- H&M

The Playsuit And The Gladiator

How do you solve a #firstworldproblem like a temperamental gladiator sandal? Mine are giving me such grief- gravity-wise- that I'm thinking of resorting to sellotape, Blu-Tack and possibly even super glue to get the buggers to stay put. (Remember when Frenchy pierced Sandy's ears in Grease and told her in no uncertain terms that "beauty is pain"? Looks like I'll be embracing that quote all summer long). Even if I can get them to remain tied and in place, my circulation is then thrown into jeopardy. I'm the kinda gal who gets red indentations on my arms from handbags, elaborate sleep-patterns all over her face and bruises like a peach; so even five minutes with a lace tied tightly round my leg induces all sorts of imprints and unfortunate visual lacerations. Anyway. Whining done, stick a fork in me. The playsuit is now in the sale and the glads are so silly-cheap that you should chance your, er, leg with them if you haven't already. And if you've stumbled upon a foolproof method of making them stay hoisted, hit me up up up xx

Playsuit- Zara//Gladiators- Mango

Leandra's Top

No doubt your eyes went into meltdown when you saw the Great Leader herself- Miss Leandra Medine- in Zara's S/S15 campaign. Somehow I never managed to find her blue and white kaftan top in store (despite the fact that I basically live in Zara and only ever go home to check the place hasn't burned down). But I did pounce on this super-cute check top when I saw it. It's just so fresh and summery- if only we had consistently fresh and summery weather to accompany it. But my fellow Zara-heads beware! Now is the time to call a halt to your M-Repelling purchases because the sale will be imminently upon us and you'll be able to pick it all up for, oooh, ten quid less. See you in the queue.

Top- Zara//Shorts- Forever 21

Birthday Edit

It was my birthday last week (big up the Gemini crew), and I just wanted to share what I got. The great thing about prezzies is that (with any luck/lots of elephantine hints) they are accoutrements that you wouldn't/couldn't buy for yourself. (Dunno about youse, but I seem to spend most of my money on bills bills bills, and then try and make myself feel better by buying lots of things in Zara that I can't afford and end up having to take back). So, what lovely birthday shizzle did I get given? First up- perfume.

Flowerhead by Byredo

I've wanted a Byredo scent for the longest time, but (see above) could never make the leap, money-wise. So I made sure I tested the whole range before eagerly popping this on my wish list. There's tuberose in there (which is priddy much my fave flower), some rose (also j'adore) and lemon notes too. It's heady. It's intense. It lasts all day and it's super amazing. Get yours here.

Also on the Bee-Day hitlist was something Comme Des Garcons. More specifically-

CDG Play

This line of tees, sweatshirts, tops (and Converse) has a deservedly cult following. The iconic heart logo says 'Hi I'm in the Comme club worship my coolness/I'm a dick who spends a lot of money on basics just coz they've got a cute heart with googly eyes on them' (delete as appropriate). Either way I've been lusting for quite some time. I didn't know whether to go for a tee, or a long-sleeved Breton or a green heart or what. Eventually I went classic and very happy I am too. Get yours here. *NB They come up small, I had to go for a medium. Also on my extremely fullsome 'Can I Have It? Please Please Please' list was some make-up, namely-

MAC Honeylove

For a while I've been weighing up whether I'm a Velvet Teddy or a Honeylove kinda gal. If money were no object (again) I'd almost certainly be both (and quite a few other MAC shades too). But for The List I decided to just narrow it down to one, and Honeylove it was. It is the perfect matte texture (as per its rep) and an adorably neutral easy-to-wear beige with a hint of sixties Bardot. Get yours here. All in all I was buzzzzing with my gifts and so grateful to my lovely family who are all the bomb. What's on your birthday wishlist? Lemmie know :) xx PS Many thanks to all those lovely people who really got in the celebratory, generous, kind, warm-hearted birthday spirit and unfollowed me on Instagram. I'm sure I speak for all lovely generous, kind, warm-hearted people (the ones with actual blood running through their veins, not ice) when I say- I hope you die a painful death in the gutter. 

Flowerhead Perfume by Byredo//CDG Play Top by Comme Des Garcons//Honeylove Lippie by MAC