As we rapidly approach February the 14th AKA The Worst Day In The World for singletons, I've been starting to do something very unlike me and that's be.....positive. Yes, Pollyanna here is actually really quite glad that she doesn't have a boyfriend. No, honestly. Truly. (I know I know- I never believe anyone when they say that either). But I've decided that there are some very good things about not having An Other Half. (Who even thought of that 'Other Half' phrase? Please have them sent out and beasted). So let's examine those very things right here and now.
The Bed's Too Big Without You
Actually, no, no it's not. I get to sleep on whichever side of the bed I so choose. I can even go diagonal and hog as many covers as I want.
Let's Play Charades
Vally Day is one big faux luv-in, is it not? A charade if you will. And a very expensive one at that.
Amazon Prime & Relax
Imagine wanting to watch your fave programme and then having to have sex instead. File that right under 'Piss off'.
Love Handles
Boyfriends make you fat. This is #barefax. They eat so much and expect you to keep up with them. 'Are you the push-a-salad-round-the-plate type?' first-daters inquire. Yes, I fucking am.
Text Stress
You never know where boyfriends are. In the manner of Lord Disick. Out getting drunk probably. Conveniently forgetting they've got a girlfriend. Ignoring your polite texts. Balls to that.
Forget Me Not
They tend to- also conveniently- not remember your birthday. And if they do somehow make a vague gesture towards celebrating this milestone event it'll be with something purchased from the BP station on the way home. Or with a really repulsive perfume that smells of cats.
So there we have it. A few reminders that singing 'All By Myself' at the top of your lungs on Sunday might be just the ticket. (Soz to all the loved-up chicas out there with nice boys in their lives.....have they got any brothers at all, at all?)
