13.4.15

Fear And Self Loathing In Blogging

About three weeks ago I very excitedly bought myself some flares. My good buddy MissionStyle tipped me off to them and when I tried on in-store I thought 'praise the freakin' lord, job done'. I deffo felt they contained my flab, were the right length and had a decent comfort factor. Tick, tick, tick. Then I shot them. And errrrrything changed. These two meagre frames were the only ones I could salvage from that disastrous SS Titanic of a shoot. And even then- let's be honest- I look horrific. Having to bin a set of a pictures is priddy heartbreaking, and I've gotta confess- the whole débacle made me wanna quit blogging (and not for the first time). I guess we've all been there. You kinda feel 'why am I bothering?', 'why am I so fat?' and 'why does every shoot I do not remotely turn out like I hoped it would?' But I thought I'd disclose these lame-ass shots anyway in order to delve a little more into the wretched thought patterns that whirl round the mind of a fashion blogger, and see if there's owt to draw from them.
Comparison Anxiety
I recently saw an interesting piece in Grazia about a girl who had to get therapy for her instagram 'problems'. Seriously though. She was literally driving herself insane with thoughts that all her friends were leading amaaazing lives and she wasn't. This is basically where logic leaves you and paranoia sets in. It's at times like this I like to revisit a bit of Susan Sontag. If you haven't read her, get on it.
The Girl Can't Help It
There's no getting away from it- I'm short and fat. Whilst my logical mind knows this, I still seem to harbour a very weird misguided notion that when I shoot a look somewhere along the way I will magically turn into Chiara F, Camille C or Gala G. As a blogger you are constantly faced with images of yourself and your physical shortcomings, which is unfortunately where ever decreasing circles of negativity start to fester. 
Style Blackouts
I got it realllly wrong with this outfit. So so wrong. The mirror told me one thing, the camera lens another. I should've worn a shirt and a heel. Probably. And as usual my insistence on wearing a hat didn't help matters either. I used to wear flares allllll the time about five years ago. I remember wrestling a girl in Liberty to the ground for the last pair of 18th Amendment jeans (yes, them!) in a Size 25 and absolutely luvin' them. And I also recall going to Westfield (in Shepherd's Bush) the first weekend it opened wearing a Topshop pair and trotting into Donna Ida only to have the shop assistant declare undying love for my denim. (You know you're doing something right when a girl that works with £200 + jeans all day every day likes your thirty quid jobs). But I guess I was thinner then. 
Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
I have to admit I hate shooting, I hate looking at pictures of myself and I hate competing. Which makes it ermmm, quite tricky to be a blogger. But I love clothes. I love them in a way I can't even express, and despite having a face like a bag of spanners and a body like a pre-gastric band patient I don't think I can jump off this kerrrrrazy rollercoaster just yet. Catch you soon (hopefully) xx 
PS Don't hate the flares, hate the player
Skinny Rib- Topshop//Jeans- Topshop
Bomber- Topshop//Fedora- Catarzi//Boots- Gap

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16 comments

  1. Don't get down on yourself, I'm sure everybody feels like this at some point - I know I do!

    I actually really like this outfit, head to (almost) toe navy looks fab. Don't give up on blogging either, your posts are really well thought out and written and enjoyable to read.

    And for the record - fat?! Are you joking mate! You're teeny!

    DenimMondays

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    1. Thank you lovely :)))
      I feel like an elephant so it's hard to keep shooting- but I love writing- so I will soldier on!!
      (cue world's tiniest violin)
      x

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  2. You've written what I'm feeling!! I think it's natural for us all and I also look at my pics ft. the aforementioned flares and I'm not 100%... I'm persevering!!

    Please don't go!

    Oh oh and I'm sure I have said but can't remember, I LOVE your new design (not so new now but still)

    x

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    1. Thank you my darling- we are deffo gonna get through this together :))))
      (And if not we will eat pies- made of quinoa- and grumble a lot)
      x

      PS Yesssss.....jump into the Pipdig famille :)))

      Delete
  3. And because I totally didn't say it, I actually really like this look!!! x

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    1. Like yours more :)))

      (Why the fuck did I put this skinny polo on???? Ditto these tan boots- which I bought to wear with black skinnies in order to try and dress like Harry)
      x

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  4. I can totally relate to all of this - I've lost count of the amount of photos I've deleted because an outfit doesn't look as kick ass as I thought it did in the mirror!
    p.s. I always think you look awesome :)

    http://theruthway.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. Thank you gorge :))

      I actually tend to keep a lot of "shit" shots in case I feel the urge to do one of those "hilarious" outtake posts!! (Not these though- they needed to be gone foreveerrrrr)
      x

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  5. But I only discovered your blog yesterday and I love it so you can't stop now haha! I think your outfit posts rock and you're so funny too. Sorry you've been feeling this way though, I think we all get this way at times x

    Josie’s Journal

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    1. Hahaha :))
      Firstly- you are a ledge.
      Secondly- you can spell "you're" correctly unlike so many fuckwits flying around
      and
      Thirdly- thank you for cheering me up a lot :)))
      x

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  6. I totally relate to what you are saying! Don't give up! I am obsessed with flares too! I think your look is great! I know its hard to be objective but don't be so tough on yourself.

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    1. Thank you lovely :))
      I see flares errrrrywhere and everyone looks so nice in them.....wahhhhhh!!!!

      I totally hear ya about being so hard on myself- but honestly- if you knew what a wimp I am and how easily I give up on stuff and how lazy I am - you'd probably kick me up the backside, tell me to man up and get down the gym! (And save up for a better camera, and scout for a better location and find some poor bastard to take my pics for me).
      x

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  7. Oh Belle, it's tenksy here from Instagram.. I effing love your style and can quite honestly say I never see short,fat? WTF? I just see long lean legs with a kick ass style.. I wish I could steel it but actually being short and fat, I can't... Don't give up, you look awesome and I need more style to copy xx

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    1. Hiiiiii!!!
      Thank you for your lovely comment :)))
      I was just having a bit of a hissy fit really- I will (attempt) to keep going!!
      (Just shot some white jeans though- the signs aren't good!!)
      x

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  8. Um, hello? you look amazing as per usual. In no way would I describe you as short and fat! It's so easy to give into those negative thoughts, especially at this time of year when we're all thinking about being 'beach-ready' and all that jazz, but you shouldn't let one unflattering (in your eyes) outfit sway you from your blogging course. Don't give up!! xx

    Mary
    www.littlefeatherstyle.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Hello!!!
      Thannnnk you for the love and the pep talk gorge :)))
      x

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