Why My Phone Has Changed My Life

For the last two years I've been locked into a bitch of a phone contract and the most horrifically appalling handset ever known to humankind- the iPhone4s. Not that I'm one to exaggerate or anything (lolz) but every day was like a techno-battle to get the little bugger to do anything useful at all. In no particular order it: drained down quicker than karma, hit storage approximately 10 days after I got it, froze on the regz (mostly when I had to make or take a crucial call) and basically annoyed the beejeezus out of me all the freakin' time. Now I know most "normal" people would prioritise buying a new phone over a new handbag, but there was no way I was splashing my PPI money on something useful :) As luck would have it my sister's boyfriend hooked me up and I'm now in the iPhone6 game. Yes, it fell off the back of a lorry, yes it's second-hand, but Holy Phoneballs am I happy. Let's look at all the lovely things I can now do:

Have Apps

Yes! Actual apps! The ones that everyone else has! I'm finally getting to see what VSCO is all about (although I heard that they've changed their grid-thingy so you can't preview your Gram, which was actually what I most psyched about jumping on).

Get A Cab

Back to apps again. I've got Uber now. Look at me, Little Miss Twenty First Century.

Take Photos

Lots of them! I'd actually forgotten what it's like to be able to take a pic anytime I want to. In fact, I've been become so used to having no storage that my skillz are #bare and I don't actually need 50 attempts to get something half-human. #justcallmeoneshotwonder

Not Have To Delete All My Mail

My 4s also got me into the deletion habit (probably not a bad one to have picked up as it goes) but I can let those spammy bits rest a while longer now.

Transfer Stuff Wirelessly

Ever since I got an Olympus Pen I've been desperate to get the accompanying app and send my little snaps over to my camera roll and save endless hours uploading. After a couple of false starts I've actually managed to make this happen. (For someone as un-techie as me, this is quite a thing).

Join Tinder

Just kidding. As if. That is the last thing I'mma do. I know what I like, and it's not on there (without me even ever having looked at it. Unless someone can tell me if they have rudeboys, ruffnecks and hoodrats on there at all, at all?).

Get A New Phone Case

The stars have deffo collided in the last week, as the lovely Emma from Richmond & Finch fortuitously contacted me and asked me if I had an iPhone6 in my life. Funnily enough, yes, yes I have. And before too long this beautiful case was also in my life and on my phone. It feels so nice- substantial, grippy- and it doesn't put my teeth on edge (like so many cases do). Plus, it looks well chic. 

So, in summary- yes- my iPhone6 is making my life way more pleasant than before. I actually feel quite liberated. Now all I need is a new laptop......x

Waffle Knit- Gap//Skinny Rib- Gap//Cup- Design Letters

*Watch- Klarf//*Phone Case- Richmond & Finch

Confessions Of A Shopaholic

For as long as I can remember I've been obsessed with handbags. My first ever grown-up purchase was a Prada square from Joseph. I still clearly recall the buzz of strutting into Condé Nast (where I was working at the time) carrying my new purchase, feeling like the cat's pyjamas. (And yes, The Devil Really Did Wear Prada. Trusstttttt. She liked a lot of Ralph Lauren too. Anyway). Fast forward to 2016 and sadly, bag purchasing now requires a lot more thought and lot less whim. Last year I treated myself to a Céline, and this year I've also ordered a mini-bucket from Mansur Gavriel (which won't arrive til February or March); so another new baby to add to my collection was the last thing on my mind when I was browsing Net-A-Porter a few days ago. But. There it was. In stock. An APC Demi-Lune. I've been chasing this beauté for quite some time and it's pretty much never available. When the Euro was a bit higher last summer I tried to buy one from France, but to no avail. So when I spied it I knew I had to act quick. And the very next day I happily found myself in the Half-Moon club. I'm as broke AF but I freakin' J'adore it. Are you weak like me? Feel free to confess all, you're amongst friends :)

Bag- A.P.C.

My Weird Week On Instagram

Despite having been on Instagram for nearly two years now, I still have no freaking clue how the place actually works. Whilst I've finally figured out to edit my captions (Yay! Fat Fingers Be Gone!), I still don't understand how hashtagless pictures ever get seen. Or why certain Dutch girls think it's okay to follow and unfollow you four times in as many months (babe, I've clocked you, srsly just piss off ). The struggle has been #long and #real to get any kind of momentum going for my lil' old account, but last week, outta nowhere things finally seemed to be starting to happen.

The Power Of The Pink Bag

First up, I posted a pic of my beloved Acne carrier bag. This thing seems to basically act as #gramnip for IGers. I'd like to say I don't know why- but it is an object of desire and it is a thing of beauty- so we don't need to really linger too long as to why peeps go cray for it. But 800 likes cray? It seemed insanely disproportionate to me, but the followers also came along with the likes- so I wasn't gonna argue.

Smug Face

And then the followers- shockingly- kept coming. Ain't gonna lie, on a regular IG day I'll maybe get 10 followers at best, and probably lose 5 along the way. I realise these numbers are embarrassingly impoverished and that even Danielle Bernstein's dog gets more love than that. Way more love. But strange things were afoot. I was getting 40, 50 even- gasp- 60 followers a day. So, although I'm an atheist I kept thanking God periodically just so he knew how grateful I was. This quite amazing deluge happened errryday for four whole days.

The Crash

And then reality bit back. I think it was a pic of some Converse that started my downward spiral- which is weird coz Chucks tend to do okay in my experience. It even got a 'good' amount of likes. But no, the haemorrhage had started and my stress returned to accompany it. Why had I gotten some momentum? And why had it fallen away again? Like I said, IG is utterly unfathomable to me. Even what happened next couldn't stem the flow.

Topshop Girl In A Topshop World

So, on Friday evening I threw on a snap of me sitting on the floor in a Fila sweatshirt and some frayed jeans. (I say threw- my "effortless" photo took two hours of blood sweat and tears). Coz I don't shoot outside anymore and coz my face is a bit like Quasimodo's on a good day this is how picture-taking now rolls for me: I have to spend large amounts of daylight hours sitting on my arse, with my camera balanced on a Nike box, running back into frame (once I've triggered the self-timer and dangled an object in front of the lens for it to focus on), trying desperately to keep my head out of shot whilst attempting to look thin, cool, relaxed and a bit like 'Oh me? Just sitting here casually on the floor again'. I was reticent to put the final 'masterpiece' on IG because, well, I basically feel like that about every pic I take for there. So I crossed myself (the more atheist I feel the more religious I act, go figure) about 18 times and waited for it to bomb. I normally log off once I've shared a piccie as I can't bear to see how unpopular I am, which I duly did. But for some reason I logged on again about 15 minutes later and saw that I had a tag. OMG- could it be ASOS? (About a year ago I got one single solitary like from them and it got me- wait for this- 300 followers). But no, it wasn't them. It was something that I don't think most bloggers ever even dare dream of- it was- drumroll- an RG from Topshop.

The Party Was Short, But Funny

At first I was like, WTF. Then I was like, "LIFE MADE!!!!!". I once read that a regram from ASOS gets you approximately 1000 followers, so I calculated that Topshop having 6 million followers (and ASOS having 3 million) should, in theory, have garnered me more than that. My maths is shit, but the hope was very real. Once again I logged off with a spring in my step and a sunny disposition so rare that my family were suspicious. I knew it though. Only me, with my impeccable Reverse Midas Touch could fuck this up. Who gets a shout-out to 6 million people and "only" gets 250 followers? (For that was my tally). This chica, that's who. I'd like to think that it was the Granny shoes what did it. Most of the girls commenting under my pic seemed to be utterly repulsed by them, and kept calling them 'cabin shoes', and doing Crying-Laughing Emojis. So I can only assume Toppers has a helluva lot of air hostesses following their account. But actually I don't mind a bit that those girls hated them, in fact, I quite enjoyed that aspect of the whole thing. And before you characterise me as some ungrateful ho' who needs to stop number-crunching and chill the fuck out and get things into perspective a bit more (hearin' you btw), I was actually beyond buzzed that someone at Toppers HQ liked what I'm doing. That is deffo more important than putting on shit-loads of followers. To the point that I'd actually like it carved on my gravestone. ("Here Lies Belle, She Was Once Regrammed By Topshop You Know"). But still it niggles. And so does the girl who posts the dullest cycle of "Quote/Food/Converse/Selfie/Quote/Food/Converse/Selfie" on her IG- in some kind of never-ending mouse-wheel nightmare, but has now got 11k. Or that the girl who posts once a week (if that) is the new owner of a Triangl (yes, I'm still going on about that). Or that Auld Muddy Face just breathes in and gets 5k likes per pic. It niggles like hell. And it ain't going away. I'll leave you with Gore Vidal. "Every time one of my friends succeeds, something inside me dies". Amen bro. Amen.

Shoes- Topshop//Jeans- Topshop//Jumper- Zara

Mo' Grannies, No Problems

At the risk of getting a little repetitious on yo' asses, I offer you the latest addition to my ugly shoe collection. (Two pairs and counting). These peachy babes come in at a mere £32 and are therefore well worth dipping your toe into (see what I did there) if you are still unsure about the whole block-heel thing. Even though they're suede, they are not actually as comfortable as the Topshop ones, but they do have a bit more of that Celine vibe about them. (The Toppers ones are a touch more Maryam Nassir Zadeh crossed with a bit of Chloe, I reckon). The black version of the Simone sold-out super quick so hurry hurry and embrace the Granny lyfe :)

Shoes- ASOS//Plant- Ikea

New Year//New Watch//New Jewellery

After all my whinin' and hollerin' and bitchin' about how no watch company were taking any notice whatsoever of lil' old me......finally a lovely brand has taken pity :) Say hello to my new time-telling device from Klarf. It's a sick minimal brand with only six styles to choose from- but srsly- how many freakin' choices do you need? (Less options, less headaches I find). I went for the black face with the gold bezel and I'm basically trippin' off this beaut. I've also recently found a super cheappppp online jewellery shop that does loads of dupes and simple pieces that's similarly making me buzz my face (and wrists and fingers) off. Most of the minimal Tictailers out there still seem to be priddy expensive to me- so I'd deffo recommend jumping on this site. (You can follow their IG here- bonus points for spotting my pic!!). Catch you soon x

Watch- Klarf//Jewellery- Mnml Jewellery

Notebook- Tiger//Cactus- Ikea

Happy New Year

Just thought I'd say 'Hiiiiii', Happy 2016, and kick things off for a new year. Whilst I'm not really one for resolutions, if I were to make any, these would be they:

1. Walk More

I'm probably the fattest I've ever been and there's no doubt I used to get from A to B a helluva lot more in recent years on foot. I just can't be arsed lately. And since I got my new car and discovered digital radio I like being in my motor approximately....all the time.

2. Stop Whining

I'm an epic moaner. You probably noticed. It just helps me to whinge. I dunno if it comes from being British, or just being a Naturally Negative Nelly but I find it theraputic. People always think I'm looking for 'solutions' to my 'problems' but I'm not. I just love complaining.

3. Actually Learn More About Photography

I have a kinda of 'camera blindness' that basically means I just point my lens at something and hope it focuses and ends up looking nice. I find ISOs and apertures and all that shit ultra-confusing. How nice would it be to actually understand a camera? (Very). To be fair to myself I never shoot on auto, but I wanna up my game severely.

4. Become A Dot Com

I've been a blogspot foreverrrrrr. I actually enjoy the lo-fi-ness of blogger, especially now everyone's blogs seem to be all singing, all dancing affairs. If I do buy a domain, I'll need help. It'll actually be the fourth time I will have payed someone for a blog make-over. (Yes! Fourth!). And maybe it'll be the moment where I'm actually finally happy with the freakin' thing. I'm resistant though. Squarespace loads super slowly, and Wordpress'll no doubt mash my swede. So, we'll see.

5. Stop Being Bitchy

Nah, ain't gonna happen.

6. Look Boys In The Eye

I avoid boys at all costs. Whilst I'm dateless and utterly, eternally single, this of course makes no sense. The thing is: I don't want boys to look me back in the eye. I don't want them to look at me at all. Because, what if (let's just be wild and reckless here for a second) one of them did actually fancy me? Well, shit. They might actually chat me up, or something weird like that. Which might lead to a date. Which might lead to a bit of, er....oh Jesus. I don't think I better look at any of them. Ever again. As you were.

7. Shred & File

Shredding and filing have got to be the two shittest tasks in the whole wide world. Consequently I dwell in mountains of paper. I even have several 'Would you like a Vogue subscription?' letters from 2011 (and probably from even before that). Need.To.Get.On.It.

8. Enjoy Instagram

Tough one this, as it feels like anything but enjoyable 99% of the time. But it should be fun, shouldn't it?

9. Buy Less Trainers

I'm addicted. I need to stop. I just always like the ones I haven't got.

10. Win A Bloglovin Award

Just kidding.

What have you resolved? Lemmie know x