My Weird Week On Instagram

Despite having been on Instagram for nearly two years now, I still have no freaking clue how the place actually works. Whilst I've finally figured out to edit my captions (Yay! Fat Fingers Be Gone!), I still don't understand how hashtagless pictures ever get seen. Or why certain Dutch girls think it's okay to follow and unfollow you four times in as many months (babe, I've clocked you, srsly just piss off ). The struggle has been #long and #real to get any kind of momentum going for my lil' old account, but last week, outta nowhere things finally seemed to be starting to happen.

The Power Of The Pink Bag

First up, I posted a pic of my beloved Acne carrier bag. This thing seems to basically act as #gramnip for IGers. I'd like to say I don't know why- but it is an object of desire and it is a thing of beauty- so we don't need to really linger too long as to why peeps go cray for it. But 800 likes cray? It seemed insanely disproportionate to me, but the followers also came along with the likes- so I wasn't gonna argue.

Smug Face

And then the followers- shockingly- kept coming. Ain't gonna lie, on a regular IG day I'll maybe get 10 followers at best, and probably lose 5 along the way. I realise these numbers are embarrassingly impoverished and that even Danielle Bernstein's dog gets more love than that. Way more love. But strange things were afoot. I was getting 40, 50 even- gasp- 60 followers a day. So, although I'm an atheist I kept thanking God periodically just so he knew how grateful I was. This quite amazing deluge happened errryday for four whole days.

The Crash

And then reality bit back. I think it was a pic of some Converse that started my downward spiral- which is weird coz Chucks tend to do okay in my experience. It even got a 'good' amount of likes. But no, the haemorrhage had started and my stress returned to accompany it. Why had I gotten some momentum? And why had it fallen away again? Like I said, IG is utterly unfathomable to me. Even what happened next couldn't stem the flow.

Topshop Girl In A Topshop World

So, on Friday evening I threw on a snap of me sitting on the floor in a Fila sweatshirt and some frayed jeans. (I say threw- my "effortless" photo took two hours of blood sweat and tears). Coz I don't shoot outside anymore and coz my face is a bit like Quasimodo's on a good day this is how picture-taking now rolls for me: I have to spend large amounts of daylight hours sitting on my arse, with my camera balanced on a Nike box, running back into frame (once I've triggered the self-timer and dangled an object in front of the lens for it to focus on), trying desperately to keep my head out of shot whilst attempting to look thin, cool, relaxed and a bit like 'Oh me? Just sitting here casually on the floor again'. I was reticent to put the final 'masterpiece' on IG because, well, I basically feel like that about every pic I take for there. So I crossed myself (the more atheist I feel the more religious I act, go figure) about 18 times and waited for it to bomb. I normally log off once I've shared a piccie as I can't bear to see how unpopular I am, which I duly did. But for some reason I logged on again about 15 minutes later and saw that I had a tag. OMG- could it be ASOS? (About a year ago I got one single solitary like from them and it got me- wait for this- 300 followers). But no, it wasn't them. It was something that I don't think most bloggers ever even dare dream of- it was- drumroll- an RG from Topshop.

The Party Was Short, But Funny

At first I was like, WTF. Then I was like, "LIFE MADE!!!!!". I once read that a regram from ASOS gets you approximately 1000 followers, so I calculated that Topshop having 6 million followers (and ASOS having 3 million) should, in theory, have garnered me more than that. My maths is shit, but the hope was very real. Once again I logged off with a spring in my step and a sunny disposition so rare that my family were suspicious. I knew it though. Only me, with my impeccable Reverse Midas Touch could fuck this up. Who gets a shout-out to 6 million people and "only" gets 250 followers? (For that was my tally). This chica, that's who. I'd like to think that it was the Granny shoes what did it. Most of the girls commenting under my pic seemed to be utterly repulsed by them, and kept calling them 'cabin shoes', and doing Crying-Laughing Emojis. So I can only assume Toppers has a helluva lot of air hostesses following their account. But actually I don't mind a bit that those girls hated them, in fact, I quite enjoyed that aspect of the whole thing. And before you characterise me as some ungrateful ho' who needs to stop number-crunching and chill the fuck out and get things into perspective a bit more (hearin' you btw), I was actually beyond buzzed that someone at Toppers HQ liked what I'm doing. That is deffo more important than putting on shit-loads of followers. To the point that I'd actually like it carved on my gravestone. ("Here Lies Belle, She Was Once Regrammed By Topshop You Know"). But still it niggles. And so does the girl who posts the dullest cycle of "Quote/Food/Converse/Selfie/Quote/Food/Converse/Selfie" on her IG- in some kind of never-ending mouse-wheel nightmare, but has now got 11k. Or that the girl who posts once a week (if that) is the new owner of a Triangl (yes, I'm still going on about that). Or that Auld Muddy Face just breathes in and gets 5k likes per pic. It niggles like hell. And it ain't going away. I'll leave you with Gore Vidal. "Every time one of my friends succeeds, something inside me dies". Amen bro. Amen.

Shoes- Topshop//Jeans- Topshop//Jumper- Zara

All I Want For Christmas

I'm sure you've all seen this sick jumper in Topshop. It's what I'm wearing tomoz. Had to be mine. Much love and festive cheer to you and yours xx

Jumper- Topshop

Topshop Foundation Review

I've been trialling a lot of foundations recently. Not coz I don't heart my current base of choice (Max Factor Face Finity), but...coz...well, you never know what might change your life until you try. Life-changing? Bitch please. Don't be so freaking dramatic, I hear you thinking. But if you're not blessed with good skin, like me, and have to wear a base every sodding day, then a good 'un can deffo make life 3000% easier (if not transform it). And to be brutally honest- my skin is shockingly bad. It's dry and oily. I've got spots and acne scars, as well as a ruddy pallor that makes the average farmer look like Gisele Bundchen. So I need a foundation to do the work of a pack horse. (Rural ref overload!). So I'm very happy, nay buzzing to report that Topshop's new foundation is the bomb dot com. 

Recently I've tried YSL Fusion, Charlotte Tilbury Light Wonder, Chanel Aqua Vitalumiere Velvet and Bare Minerals Bare Skin. Chanel foundations are so perfumed they make me gag (as does Rimmel's Wake Me Up Foundation), whilst the Charlotte Tilbury base left my face shinier than a metallic clutch bag by the end of the day. The texture of the YSL Fusion is incred (it's got that sort of gel-thing going on) and the Bare Minerals new launch is so nearly very good- but again- oil-slick face was happening by the end of the day. All of these products would doubtless be amaze if you already have beaut skin that's a little on the dry side. But I need more. So when I took home a sample of the Topshop foundation I didn't have particularly high hopes. What a silly auld sceptical div I am. This stuff is sick. Whilst the glass bottle isn't massively practical- it does make it feel like a quality product. There's a pipette dropper so you can (in theory) get every last bit of foundation out the bottle, and the price point is pretty good at £16. (Although I did expect it to be a bit more 'drugstorey' and come in at around the £12-14 mark). Anyroad, let's get to the actual product. It's got a serumesque quality (which I like) and gives a light-medium coverage. Despite not being 'heavy-duty' it was enough to cover all my many and varied issues. (NB I always buff on with a Real Techniques- don't we all?). Best of all though- I wasn't all Shiny McShiny at the end of the day. I now deffo can't wait to try the primer and concealers in the range too. Have you tried any Toppers make-up? What's your base of choice? Hit me up, would love to hear :)

Foundation- Topshop//Rings- Topshop

Supersonic

It looks like I'm going to have to use the phrase "the perfect transitional piece" to describe this little khaki jackety-thrown-on-thingy. (Cringe! 50 Fashion Bingo points to me!) Since the remnants of the hurricane hit over the weekend, the temperature has dropped a few, and I found myself feeling very pleased that I'd bought this Gallagheresque beaut. (This gorge grey parka from Zara is a touch more substantial but has a similar vibe, man). I'm also so so so so in love with my Topshop denim mini, which I basically haven't taken off since I got it. (Cringe! 100 Persil Dodger points to me!) It deffo puts me in mind of Stella Mac's amazing skirt as seen on the stunning Irina. But...urgh...come back summer, I ain't finished witchoo yet bro :)

Jacket- H&M//Tee- Topshop

Skirt- Topshop//Hat- Catarzi

Slides- Topshop//Sunnies- ASOS

Bag Lady

I've always wanted one of these American Apparel pouches, so when a cheeky little voucher came my way, I decided to hot foot it down to Carnaby Street and grab myself a bit of the action. In my head I was saying 'Get a colour! Go wild! Live a little!', so naturally I ended up buying black :) Expect to see this little beaut in a lorra lorra shoots in the near future. Catch you soon xx

PS If you're looking for something fun and fashionable to do this weekend then look no further than the London Fashion Festival. Me and my gorge blogger buddy Mission Style will be down there. Grab a last minute ticket and come say hi :))

Pouch- American Apparel//Sneaks- Stan Smiths

Nail Polishes- Essie//Powder Compact- Nars//Letter Rings- Topshop

Grass Is Greener

Gotta admit....I'm having a little love affair....with....everything khaki right now. So far I've hauled this lovely floaty vest, a cotton shirt, some cargos (Oh hi 90s!) and an amazing hippy top. I've also gone slightly cray for a longer length short lately, and I picked up these beauts in H&M for £14.99. (Didn't realise they came in a faded blue too...might have to get those an' all). Speaking of  'so cheap, gotta have it' I also scooped up these darling lil' mules in H&M while I was there, now down to fifteen quid in the sale :) My 'No Buy July' pledge has been well and truly broken. 

I am pathetic :) Catch you soon xx

Top- Topshop//Shorts- H&M

Cardi- H&M//Mules- H&M

Hat- River Island//Sunnies- ASOS//Necklace- Links Of London

The Road Is Long

Holy Fashion Shockers...I'm in a dress! Please don't run away screaming though :) I realise the sight of my pasty legs is enough to put anyone off their foot long Sub (and enough to make me put mine down and reach for a cold-pressed green juice instead), but....I just have to share the love for this beaut of a dress. I bought it a while back thinking it'd be the perfect SS 14 piece...and....I was right :) Not often that happens! I just absolutely love the shape, the length, the fabric...the everything, basically. I can only find it in petite or tall on line now, but this is kinda cute, and so is this and I realllllly like this too. Happy stripe shopping, catch you soon xx

Dress- Topshop//Bomber- Primark

Sneakers- Adidas//Beanie- Accesorize

Sunnies- Primark/H&M

I Should Coco

Like most fashion addicts, I have a severe longing for some Chanel espadrilles. My brain is basically fried with interlocking CC lust. (No change there, then). So when I spied these Topshop espies I was buzzing. I know, realistically, I'm never gonna have a spare £500 to splash on the real thing, and these lovely little dupes definitely go some way to scratching that particular itch. They were out for stock for a while, and it looks like they're getting snapped up quickly again, so get 'em on pronto :) Catch you soon (Easter) chicks xx

Je Suis Anglais

Most of the time I wish I was French. I love eating their food, listening to them chattarge and- most of all- I adore wearing their clothes. I actually live within spitting distance of a Sandro, a Maje, a Comptoir, a Petit Bateau, a Kooples and a Claudie Pierlot. Incroyable. Which makes for an unhappy purse, but a very happy moi. At the moment I particularly can't get enough of a Breton stripe. (You may have noticed). My wardrobe has always been stuffed to bursting point with stripey tops, dresses and tank tops but imagine my excitement when I found this little beaut in H&M recently. Not only is it tres magnifique, but for some reason it was reduced to £7. Double win. I also picked up some new boyfriend jeans when I was in H&M (still working that Glamour voucher discount to the max), and some gorge little slides from Topshop to complete the look. You feelin' stripes this S/S14? Lemmie know! xx

Jeans- H&M//Top- H&M

Slides- Topshop//Sunnies- H&M//Polishes- Essie

Strong

Another day, another pair of skaters :) Addicted doesn't even come close. I'm thinking these might be my next pair. Orange is kinda fresh for Spring, right? With black. And white. And maybe some grey thrown in too. In the meantime I'm working these well worn Winter shades. *Yawn Face* Still can't quite get over that this leather- I repeat leather- bag was in the Zara sale at £29.99. (Down from £79.99). Sick. Catch you soon chicas xx

Sweatshirt- Whistles//Joggers- Topshop

Beanie- Accesorise//Skaters- Topshop

Sunnies- Primark//Bag- Zara

Lost In Space

I have a little problem with Space NK. In as much as....I want everything in the goddamn joint. I try not to go in there too often as it's just too alluring. I've tried desperately to curb my urge for a little Diptyque treat for a while now. I even tried to tell myself that my sale candle from Zara Home would have to suffice in my bathroom. (So brave! So noble!) And actually, for £7, it's done a job. But, it's just not Diptyque, is it? So, last weekend I was browsing away, and the addictive headiness of my fave scent tuberose drew me in as per. So, I thought, sod it, and bought this heavenly candle. If you feel the urge to indulge similarly, get your rocks off here.

I also decided to give this Nars stick concealer a whirl. I'm normally quite happy with No.7, but having recently repurchased, I've got a sneaky suspicion they might've reformulated (dontcha just hate it when that happens?), so the hunt has started for a replacement. This one, so far, seems to have a good buildable coverage, although my colour choice 'Chantilly' may actually be a touch pale. See all the shades here.

I've also started a-gathering my sunglasses collection for 2014. I'm trying very hard not to buy any Karen Walkers or Celines so I've staved off my urge for the minute with this pair. Not sure it's working :)

Have you made any indulgent purchases recently? Lemmie know what you've been buying xx

No Mean Feet

One of my New Year's Rezzies was to find The Holy Grail. I figured it would probably be easier than trying to find a boyfriend :) But as difficult as it seems to be to find a nice, cute single boy in LDN these days, hunting down a pair of Celine check skater shoe dupes has proven to be equally hard- until now. So, big love to TopShop for finally stepping up to the plate. Kate Phelan, I heart you.

Naturally, when I spied these bad boys in Oxford Circus a couple of weeks ago I was all over them- like Lee Ryan on a passing brunette. Doubtless, several billion other bloggerettes are gonna be all over them too.  But, it's like...Celine lookey-likeys for £20? Of course I'm gonna freaking get them! Plus- massive bonus- shoes can't not text you back, be mean, lie to you, 'borrow' your car, make a mess in your flat, prefer your best mate, talk all the way through Made In Chelsea, or, just generally be a prick. I like shoes :) A lot. Catch you soon chicks xx

Polo- Zara//Jeans- Topshop

Bag- Zara//Shoes- Topshop

Beanie- Topshop//Sunnies- Primark